Panic

I am not prone to panic attacks. Whine attacks sure, but panic is not something that comes to me naturally. I have seen people panicking and I have rarely been in a situation where my mind would stop working. Not to say it has never happened but it is a rare phenomenon. Even rarer that I panic about something that is immaterial. A pure baseless panic attack if I may say so.

However, it happened. I was about to hit snooze around 4 am in the morning (yes I am crazy that way) when it struck me like a laughing hyena. Now, after nearly 3 hours, I finally calmed down. The only thing that happened was that I lost my sleep and ended up reading a lot. Yeah, I know not the way most panic attacks might work but there are three things that are a solution to my all problems like sadness, misery, panic etc.

1. Reading and Writing

2. Games

3. Driving

 

So, I read a lot and now I am writing. I played a few games as well but reading constituted for the most part. Lots and lots of reading and now I am ready to go to sleep.

 

Ciao!

The experience that lasts

It is an ironical statement to me. An experience that doesn’t end is not an experience but a state. On the other hand something that lasts will have a profound impact overshadowing everything that comes under it. Combine the two and what you have is a blank. It is similar to a few other statement that are heavy to hear but empty in themselves, meaningless if I may dare to say.

An example of such is- “An unstoppable force meets an immovable object.”

As a few might have seen on minutephysics, they are practically the same thing and would pass through each other. Science apart, it is like dividing 0 by 0. It has no solution. Its meaningless.

No experience should last. Because, by definition, an experience is a state of exhilaration that changes someone for good or for worse but the state itself passes and the person returns back to his original position, changed.

I have had so many life changing experiences in my life that I cannot count many incidents. Life has been exciting and while the boring life has its own merits, I prefer mine with excitements.

Let the life be full of many exciting experiences rather than one boring experience that lasts.

A Fragment

I will tell you something-

You will always meet a girl who is bubbly, cheerful and happy. Believe it or not, there are a million girls who are smiling out there. And many are truly feeling the emotion that their face is exuding. There will be girls who are sad or angry with the whole world. Heck! Even I am angry with the whole world. The world is made of people who are vicious. I am not talking about the buffoons who make mistakes or the asses who are just plain stubborn about stupid laws. People who are pure evil and are hurting you for their fun.

And I am angry with them along with the girls who have been hurt and who have a sadness looming over them.

The worst feeling comes not in seeing wreckage, but seeing a beautiful palace turning into one. Going in everyday and looking at it as its windows get broken one by one. Every day, finding that a few bricks of a particular wall have fallen and have given way for a gaping hole of sorrow and fear. You keep looking at it, hoping that this will get over soon. Something, anything will happen to reverse the whole procedure before this building is considered in the category of being torn down.

Similarly, the worst feeling is seeing a girl- the cutest girl you have ever known, talking about past instead of the future, despair instead of hope and home instead of the world. A girl who had the whole world on her platter but was allowed to eat only the salad. It was a great salad mind you, but still, just a salad.

I was watching as she became silent and everything in her demeanor showed that she wished things were different. Every time I looked at her it was obvious that if only she could fly, she would cross the seas and the mountains and flee to see the whole world. If only! The truth is never romantic though.

That is the forte of dreams and lies. Truth is blunt and harsh and painful.

The last passage

I have never reached that point. I start writing with fervor and passion. Characters form in my mind with a situation that they are facing and suddenly, possibilities emerge. I however am not able to complete the story. I am at my best at the one point and soon, I have lost the sight of where to go and have to wrap everything up. This means that I have to write an ending from whatever point I am in the story.

This calls for hasty climax and even faster ending. Probably a large second last passage encompassing everything and then the last passage with nothing in my mind.

I want to write the perfect last passage so as to not rob the story of its magical ending. It never happens. The last passage while often the best of the lot, is a tiring endeavor to save the grace that is lost by the time I reach there. The last passage is the Jesus which is trying to save everything happened before it.

And like his’, it is an attempt in vain.

As the night passes

I walked through the fog.

Knowing not where I was going.

The only hope that I had was,

The sound of my friend bellowing.

 

I closed my eyes as he guided me.

Moving in a mist that kept me blind.

I could not help but wonder.

Is it safer to be behind?

 

Steeling my veins, calming my heart

I kept on moving through.

‘The end will be somewhere.’

My mumbling voice grew.

 

‘Open your eyes’, we are here.

My friend said with a laugh.

The mist gone, light everywhere.

My every pain was cut in half.