Its Natural to be angry, not good to lash out!

Disclaimer: I am a Sachin Fan and I am upset by the fact that Maria Sharapova doesn’t know about him.

 

It might look like I am being devil’s advocate here but then I do belong to the group being called devil here. To be honest, I found out about it just now and it seems that I am a little too late to the party. People have apparently abused Sharapova and people have come out and defended her.

Ironically, I got the news from the articles that were condemning all the hoopla created by the fans! I guess I am not that big a fan after all or maybe, just not a fan who is free enough. I read a lot of articles that give examples of great players of games that are rare like Ice Hockey and even Basketball and try to make us realise that it is not a big deal. Then I read a lot of comments by people who were demeaning the angry mob and telling them to take a chill pill. According to them, it is not a big deal if Maria Sharapova doesn’t know the name of the greatest player India has ever produced in a game they remember to be on top of.

It should be noted that he is not the only great- Dhyanchand was for Hockey what Sachin became for Cricket.

Anyways, coming back to point, let’s be clear on one thing here. Maria Sharapova’s not knowing about Sachin is a BIG deal. Not because she ought to know a random player of a random game but because the person has transcended the game itself. Like Pele or Maradona, he defines India and its hope. He was even given the highest honor we can give to any person. So, her lack of knowledge about the man shows her lack of knowledge about the country.

Now, I am not a patriot so I do not think if this alone is a big deal. However, Sachin is often said in the same breath as Federer, Schumacher and Woods. Sachin and Federer are friends as well (close acquaintances perhaps). Sachin is a fan of tennis and has gone to watch Federer sometimes as well and it has been a big news (not just in India). This shows that she has not even heard about these events that are closer to home. This shows that she is either far too dedicated to her craft to even hear anything during those periods or simply did not care enough.

In either case, it just shows that she has other things to do instead of knowing current affairs or General Knowledge and when you are in top 20 in any sports, perhaps that is what lead you there. 

Last and most important, in a world of intellectuals why are we surrounded by people who define how should be felt for an occasion. It all sounds to me the same argument as between Theists and Atheists where atheists act have more holier than thou attitude than those who believe in a holy God. Just because it is not a big deal to you doesn’t make you superior. It just makes you impassionate about that cause.

So, bottomline, feeling upset about this is natural. I am sad and a little aggravated by this as well.

However, as with religion or a dick, just because you have it, doesn’t mean you flaunt it.

So folks, be angry, be upset but do not be what that person is not whom you are in awe of.

Lashing out against Maria Sharapova for not knowing Sachin is like killing anyone who says Gandhi was wrong!

The Date

It was one thing to fall for someone.
Another,
To see someone fall.
The girl likes me, why so much?

Then there is that voice,
The voice in my heart that tears.
Like a paper cut it bleeds my heart.
This trickle of blood,
Writes on my skin.

'She will be mine.
I will hurt her.
She will laugh,
And,
She will so much cry.'

Like a tattoo that I can't remove.
Like an ache no one can see.
It lingers in my body,
It crawls in my veins.

What I feel matters little.
Emotions I have,
But do they really amount to
Anything.

My mind, should I listen to it.
My heart, it wants something else.
Between the two,
Therein lies the truth.

The truth that I hide from myself too.
The truth that heart and mind,
Fail to understand.
Or maybe fail to meet.

The two go so resolute.
The truth escapes their route.

It’s important.. right.. right.. right..

How many times it has happened that you suddenly feel that nothing is important. One of those, divine moments as they are called when you realise that nothing in life is worth anything because life itself has no worth.

It will simply end, anyways.

However, the moment passes and then you are clear headed again and realise that there is so much work to do. There are so many things that are vital for you, things you care about, things you have emotions for, people you love, people who love you, the list goes endless. All these things are important and you convince yourself that life has a far more important meaning that you have been giving it credit for.

Then, one fine day, the circle completes, and you are back to Nirvana. The cycle continues and so many things are so important and then less important and then back to being important.. right.. right.. right..

Please be convinced, I say to myself.

Please be convinced, You say to you.

It’s so important because, its the only thing that exists.

My God

The God I want to seek will be more generous and will be more kind.
The God I seek will be more aligned.
It is my wish but nothing more.
The God I seek will be better than every thought of mine.

When the night was not enough

It was one of those nights that fell short.

While I was all awake,

Work undone, words unsaid.

Bitter taste in mouth left.

Better might have been sleep.

Alas!

It was not a successful night in that too.

It was a night that fell short.

It was a night that left me.

Why Programming?

The first question to ask is why you want to do something. Thus, this is obviously the first question I must answer here as well. The answer to this is- I love computers.

Programming is not just a way to control them, but to understand them as well. Besides, with the coming of Android and iOS, the prominence of the computers in everyday life has increased manifolds. There are two things the computers are great at- Doing boring repetitive work and Remembering stuff. So, anyone stuck doing anything remotely related to that will find learning programming of immense use.

I must add here that I am not exactly noob in programming. In fact, I seem to be learning it since beginning. BASIC was the first language that I learnt (along with Logo). After that I learnt C++. However, I have not used any programming language since past 6 years, making me practically a starter in it. The number of changes that might have happened in the world of programming are remarkable and I stand nowhere in the pyramid of programming.

And while I would suggest everyone to atleast learn as much programming to automate the tasks that they find repetitive and boring, my plans are to learn at least two languages and end up at least in application development and game programming. This is a mammoth task and might take me a long time which is good as I can write a lot in this blog. ;)

Baby Steps

Everything that happens while you are away are things that you should be glad you are away from. There are too many experiences in life and its better to not be present in all of those experiences. Not because I have anything against life but I sharply feel that humans are not capable of handling that. More importantly, I feel that in life you have to chose a few things that you become excellent at. Jack of all trades is good to be but unless you are master of at least one, there will always be a gaping hole in satisfaction level.

I have been feeling this for long now. Not exactly knowing how to put in words I did not understand it as well as I would have wanted. Maybe I am still learning it and need more time to grasp what exactly is going on but the pieces seems to be coming into place.

 

Just watched a movie with these lines- “Take up a cause. Fall in Love. Write a book.”

I believe I am not alone in this world who thinks there is more to life that whatever I am doing right now. I have found a cause right now, something that supposedly, will make me happy. Whenever that will happen is next that I will fall in love. At least that is what I think. Its either that or I am lying right now to myself and ignoring what I feel. And the third is something that should have already been finished but is still in the cards. Thankfully, the energy is coming back to me for doing that.

The only thing that is left is to go back and pick up where I left. Something that I have always found difficult.

Anyways, before the movie quote, as I was saying, I am still trying to understand everything but somehow I feel I am closer to Enlightenment (Buddha kind) than I have ever been. But the path is a long one and the steps that I am taking are baby steps at best. I do not think I can run to the destination and I definitely do not think that impatience is going to be a virtue here.

So, let the baby steps continue!

Productivity vs. Procrastination

Maybe I am the only one in this world. Or maybe I am not any different than any other person in this world but why is it that my happiness is a direct function of my productivity and yet procrastination finds its way to smother me. Am I a masochist? I do not think so but sometimes when I am inflicting pain on myself with no idea as to why I am doing so, the thought creeps in.

Today was a great day! I worked. Yes, that gives me happiness. The pure joy of finishing things. The unbounded feeling of seeing a finish. Completion (or death or ending) is one of the most inbred experiences. The feeling comes from within and is truer than any other feeling that a person might feel. It has a certain finality to it and whether it is a positive feeling when you finish your task or finish reading a book (in one sitting… *wink wink*) or it is a torture of going through death, the feeling is raw and unadulterated. And yet, why can’t I simply do this more often and enjoy the feels.

Why is procrastination, the big blerch (see-theoatmeal.com), always winning despite anything and everything of happiness lying on the other side of the bridge. The mind knows it, the heart knows it and the body knows it as well. Yet, when it comes to actually creating the perfect trifecta, the blerch simply shits on everything, eats and remains merry and happy on the pile of my sorrow.

Why is there a constant fight between what I want, desire and wish and simply be comfortable where I am?

This is not a sad tale however. This is a tale of me learning the importance of self-discipline.

As much as Procrastination might be powerful, what I want matters far more than what I can settle for.

Panic

I am not prone to panic attacks. Whine attacks sure, but panic is not something that comes to me naturally. I have seen people panicking and I have rarely been in a situation where my mind would stop working. Not to say it has never happened but it is a rare phenomenon. Even rarer that I panic about something that is immaterial. A pure baseless panic attack if I may say so.

However, it happened. I was about to hit snooze around 4 am in the morning (yes I am crazy that way) when it struck me like a laughing hyena. Now, after nearly 3 hours, I finally calmed down. The only thing that happened was that I lost my sleep and ended up reading a lot. Yeah, I know not the way most panic attacks might work but there are three things that are a solution to my all problems like sadness, misery, panic etc.

1. Reading and Writing

2. Games

3. Driving

 

So, I read a lot and now I am writing. I played a few games as well but reading constituted for the most part. Lots and lots of reading and now I am ready to go to sleep.

 

Ciao!

The experience that lasts

It is an ironical statement to me. An experience that doesn’t end is not an experience but a state. On the other hand something that lasts will have a profound impact overshadowing everything that comes under it. Combine the two and what you have is a blank. It is similar to a few other statement that are heavy to hear but empty in themselves, meaningless if I may dare to say.

An example of such is- “An unstoppable force meets an immovable object.”

As a few might have seen on minutephysics, they are practically the same thing and would pass through each other. Science apart, it is like dividing 0 by 0. It has no solution. Its meaningless.

No experience should last. Because, by definition, an experience is a state of exhilaration that changes someone for good or for worse but the state itself passes and the person returns back to his original position, changed.

I have had so many life changing experiences in my life that I cannot count many incidents. Life has been exciting and while the boring life has its own merits, I prefer mine with excitements.

Let the life be full of many exciting experiences rather than one boring experience that lasts.

A Fragment

I will tell you something-

You will always meet a girl who is bubbly, cheerful and happy. Believe it or not, there are a million girls who are smiling out there. And many are truly feeling the emotion that their face is exuding. There will be girls who are sad or angry with the whole world. Heck! Even I am angry with the whole world. The world is made of people who are vicious. I am not talking about the buffoons who make mistakes or the asses who are just plain stubborn about stupid laws. People who are pure evil and are hurting you for their fun.

And I am angry with them along with the girls who have been hurt and who have a sadness looming over them.

The worst feeling comes not in seeing wreckage, but seeing a beautiful palace turning into one. Going in everyday and looking at it as its windows get broken one by one. Every day, finding that a few bricks of a particular wall have fallen and have given way for a gaping hole of sorrow and fear. You keep looking at it, hoping that this will get over soon. Something, anything will happen to reverse the whole procedure before this building is considered in the category of being torn down.

Similarly, the worst feeling is seeing a girl- the cutest girl you have ever known, talking about past instead of the future, despair instead of hope and home instead of the world. A girl who had the whole world on her platter but was allowed to eat only the salad. It was a great salad mind you, but still, just a salad.

I was watching as she became silent and everything in her demeanor showed that she wished things were different. Every time I looked at her it was obvious that if only she could fly, she would cross the seas and the mountains and flee to see the whole world. If only! The truth is never romantic though.

That is the forte of dreams and lies. Truth is blunt and harsh and painful.

The last passage

I have never reached that point. I start writing with fervor and passion. Characters form in my mind with a situation that they are facing and suddenly, possibilities emerge. I however am not able to complete the story. I am at my best at the one point and soon, I have lost the sight of where to go and have to wrap everything up. This means that I have to write an ending from whatever point I am in the story.

This calls for hasty climax and even faster ending. Probably a large second last passage encompassing everything and then the last passage with nothing in my mind.

I want to write the perfect last passage so as to not rob the story of its magical ending. It never happens. The last passage while often the best of the lot, is a tiring endeavor to save the grace that is lost by the time I reach there. The last passage is the Jesus which is trying to save everything happened before it.

And like his’, it is an attempt in vain.

As the night passes

I walked through the fog.

Knowing not where I was going.

The only hope that I had was,

The sound of my friend bellowing.

 

I closed my eyes as he guided me.

Moving in a mist that kept me blind.

I could not help but wonder.

Is it safer to be behind?

 

Steeling my veins, calming my heart

I kept on moving through.

‘The end will be somewhere.’

My mumbling voice grew.

 

‘Open your eyes’, we are here.

My friend said with a laugh.

The mist gone, light everywhere.

My every pain was cut in half.