Blissed and Blessed.

Every moment that went past.

Asked me the same question again and again.

Why?

Why did not I..?

But I had no answer then.

I have no answer now.

Excuses.. yes, I have, plenty.

I have my reasons.

My decisions seem rational to all.

I seem rational to all.

Truth lies in me.

Plain, blatant and scorching.

Burning me like my personal hell.

Every smile that follows me.

Is on a humble bed.

Bed of grief unbound.

Floating over like an island,

Floating on lava all around.

Face the truth, all my self says.

But how do I face the truth?

How do I face the justice?

Questions like these in my mind,

Form a gigantic array.

Help me O! God, if thee exist.

Give me the moment which I want.

Give me the moment which I need.

I need to face the truth, I need to face her.

Blissed and blessed be the moment.

In which all my happiness lives.

 

For you, if you understand. I do not love you, I know but that can’t stop me from writing about you, for you. [;P]

A Dialogue

Wait! Where are you going?

Huh! Dunno.

Tell me all and no lying.

Even my name sir, I do not know.

 

Kiddin’ me you brat.

No tis’ truth I tell thee.

Up to no good you are at.

Why do you say so, I plea?

 

ASKING ME! Instead of answering.

But who are you, I know not.

One moe q. & you will hear me swearing.

Sorry! Did I hear correct or not?

 

Correct you heard foolish boy.

I know nothing about anything.

Maybe he is true, Oh! Boy.

Yes, true is I say, everything.

 

Tell me then, all about you.

Nothing I know, except walking here.

This way you future will give no new.

You though as bright light have come hither.

 

Give me something to start with.

Someone called me a God yesterday.

“Hmm! And I thought it was a myth.”

And again this was repeated today.

 

You are God then I conceive.

Maybe, though, what it means?

I’ll tell you but will you believe?

Yes sir, I will, by all means.

 

You created the whole universe.

“What is the guy saying?”

The books are filled with your praise verse.

“This is too far-fetched bellowing.”

 

You trust me not I feel.

How do you think that?

I can see in you no zeal.

Pardon me, but listen to your chat.

 

Look inside you, answer you’ll find.

Oh! It alright, I feel fine.

Please do this before the world grinds.

OK! Let me try and do not pine.

 

“I have found the mighty.”

“What is this I feel in me?”

“The world now, happier place will be.”

“What is this divine, engulfing me?”

 

How do you feel now?

Son! I remember; remember all.

I have found God, holy cow!

Ha! Ha! Swearing in front of me, of all.

 

Sorry, please forgive this fault.

Apology is for mine to ask.

Swearing from now will halt.

And I shall finish my unfinished task.

Hey! You, I love you.

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What do you call when everything intersects? A Bermuda triangle

This is a line from one of my favorite movies- Sleepless in Seattle.

Now, most of the people might not be able to understand the meaning of this statement. For those people I have only one thing I shall say- “Go and watch Sleepless in Seattle.For Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan and .. me.”

But for all the lazy house-elves who would not still see it, lemme describe the feel of this statement.

“A Bermuda Triangle.” is from Tom Hanks and it is having a sarcastic tone.

What I like about this statement is .. well.. that it is true.Many a time, when things fit, they are against you than being for.

For me it gives me a feeling, a feeling I get when I find that this time… again things are not going according to plan. (When they do actually go, anyways). This statement though gives me a confidence which is awkward I know but it does. It prepares me for everything that happens in my life. It is one of the reason of my love for uncertainty (OK, I may have gone a bit far) but bear with me.

You if are mentally prepared that things may not always conspire for you but maybe against you, this might give you a head start. Though I am not saying this in the least bit of pessimistic way mind you. I am too childish to be pessimistic.

Back to the line, it might give everyone a different meaning when the person hears in the movie. Some may not even notice the line. So let me just say one thing for this post;

This is my blog [:P].

Let us relax… again.

Before you feel that I am going to give a lecture on anything let me tell you something, what I am telling you is plain truth. Tomorrow, as  of on 23-04-09 is our viva of geophysics and physics. But I am absolutely in no mood to study. This on any other day would not be a big deal as Rajeev would force me to study or Sameer or Nihal would study so forcing a bit guilt in me. OK, they can not do that but still atmosphere is created.

Today is though a miraculous day. No one is in any mood to study. To hell with viva-voce, lets party. This is a new moment to relish and ponder over. I have already crossed that magical line where 10-15 marks do not matter. Ya, am not a fool yet who can ignore the exam but I sure can ignore a grade loss in a 2 credit subject.

Why this happened is too complicated to explain. It is not a superficial change but a change of self and I am not going to bore you with that. If one thing I learnt from reading ‘Monk who sold his Ferrari’ is that if you are not insanely successful never tell others philosophy of your life-transformation. They will get bored. Period.

So let me tell you a couplet of Kaifi Azmi to end this post.

Ek tum ki tum ko fiqr-e-nasheb-o-faraz hai.

Ek hum ki chal pade to beherhaal chal pade..

[One are you with tensions of ups and downs.

One am I to carry on anyway if started..]

fiqr- tension..nasheb-o-faraz- ups & downs

PS- I hope that my friends who want to study do study, but also I would like to pray that they do not feel unhappy about doing that. Life is too short to do anything we do not like. Especially when there are so many things to do which we like.

O Death! Please come again.

It’s a mistake I think.

Err.. Don’t get me wrong sir.

Am not accusing or doubting you.

Sure though there is some error.

I am human still, I feel.

O Death! Please come again.

Yes, I saw the sights.

The tunnel too was pretty bright.

Alas! Though now everything seems normal.

It seems like a hospital bed.

A bright tube dazzling my eyes.

Doctors and nurses glad.

Proud of their foolish achievement.

What do they know.

Its your callousness not their capability.

That brought this upon me.

Oh! Sir, I mean no disrespect.

Its just am frustrated.

Was so ready for this yes, I was.

Perfect the moment was.

For my sudden demise.

O Death! Please come again.

Now don’t give me that look.

You know as well as I.

‘What I am saying?’

You know my heart through and through.

I am bored, bored of being alive.

And then you give me dreams.

Dreams of the end.

No happiness, no sorrow.

No past or tomorrow.

The end was gentle to the core.

I had no need to be gentle anymore.

No pretence of being subtle.

No force of being loud.

No ego to push me down.

It was a dream come true.

I could love what I want.

I could love whom I want.

Hate would not have to be buried.

And now you say to me WHAT!!

It was a mistake!

Bloody hell it was.

Pardon me sir, for my language.

Now I want this mistake back.

I want my life back.

O Death! Please come again.

Mistake or with possible consideration.

Take me with you, again.

O Death! Please come again.

A Couplet close to me..

Meri zindagi meri manzilein, mujhe kurb mein nahi dur de.

Mujhe tu dikha wahi raasta, jo safar ke baad guroor de..

1. kurb- near

2. guroor- pride

[My life give me my destination, far away and not near.

Show me the path after which pride I do bear.]

It is a couplet I just found lurking in a book that I had not read for a long time. It is from ‘Tarkash’ by Javed Akhtar. It feels so true so near to my heart that I could not help but include it in my favorite couplets. It is actually a part of a gazal- excellent piece by Javed Akhtar.

Every one is only after the easy success. But really the truth is that if I have not worked hard enough for a success it doesn’t feel mine. A path of ease will always be despised by me over a path of hardships and a path which will give me pride. May be this is my ego, may be I am proud; whatever be the case, the truth is that a path of ease never gives happiness.

No happiness comes out of easy going, its the tough that creates true happiness. In the presence of great sorrows comes the real smile- after that small success you always wanted.

Compromise..

We all want everything. We all have unbound wishes that have the power to swim the whole universe through the mysterious ether, meet the God and then come back. We all see dreams through our eyes, open or close. These dreams, beautiful and alive, give us joy and reason to live another day as the day treads forward like… yesterday.

Many of us try to get what we want. We succeed, sometimes we fail. In fact even the most successful man in this world might not have a record of more than 60% success. What happens to the rest 40%? The failure. The unsuccess. The F-grade.

It is accepted, is named compromise and is lived with. All of us compromise in life. It is natural, so natural in fact that in nature it is called adapting. To the surrounding, to changes- good or bad. I am not writing this to vent out that compromises are bad and a sign of weakness or something like that. I do not believe that. In fact some compromises are so big that a person who has to compromise becomes a bigger man.

Then there are occasions when we have no option but to compromise. Like when death takes away the person we loved so much. Who’s fault is it? Mine, hers or God’s? Whom should we question? We can not ask this anyone but compromise. So is what everyone does. But this does not make us weak or something. In fact, here weakness will be to break-down.

Similarly, what if we love someone whom we propose and she rejects. Again, who is a bigger man? One who accepts the bitter truth, swallow the pill and looks ahead or one who is not able to accept this truth and try to force the girl to be with him.

These are all what I shall call ‘Good compromises’. They need to be done. They are painful, hurtful and one which I wish happen to nobody though knowing that these will happen to everybody at some point or the other.

If these are ‘good compromises’ then there ought to be the ‘bad’ ones as well. The world after all is made of symmetry, if nothing else.

To be honest I can only give you examples of the bad compromises. The boundary between the two is a thin one. No one can say when we slipped from one and into the other.

For example, not getting qualified for JEE one compromises with a regional college- a good compromise. After studying, doing an average job, hating it but making peace with it- a bad compromise. These was a pretty blunt example but the contrast can always be lessened. OK.. tell me this.. In the earlier example of a girl rejecting the boy. If you would have been in place of the boy, will you again ask the girl after sometime or accept this. I mean what is better- to compromise or to retry. Should the girl be bothered again?

Maybe she should. I mean what is the harm. So let me bring this in greyer area. What if this girl is proposed by another guy whom she says yes, but you know that he is not good for her? Dilemma huh..

Let me ask another question. What if you start liking your best friend’s ex-girlfriend? This isn’t cool, is it?

What if you and your brother or sister want something different but there can be only one thing in the house, whatever be the reason? Who should compromise? The answer to this question by generations of living is- the elder one should. This is a rule of thumb followed everywhere. But this is as questionable as any rule of thumb.

Anyways the point is that there are too many grey areas in the compromise business to say that one should compromise with something or not.

Now, you all must be thinking why I have written this whole essay. I do not have answer to this question but another question. How do you all decide when to compromise and when to well… go ahead and give it a second or third or fourth or.. and so on try?

Who tells you when to quit and compromise?

If I was…

If I was allowed to tell you this.

One thought would be it.

That if all the breaths that I have taken

Without your name on it.

Are taken from me and are gone,

It will be a loss for the God to face.

So many breaths for him to hold.

So little value for me they hold.

 

If I was allowed a day.

With you, to be with.

To touch, to hug, to kiss.

And that’s it.

My last day on this earth.

Then be it this way.

No regrets I have, no grudges I hold.

God’s grace it is, to hold.

 

If I was allowed one wish to be granted.

You know it will be your happiness.

Be it with me or without..

Every picture I see of you.

Must have your smile.

My death if brings thee happiness.

Every poison in the world will I hold.

Your smile but, no prison shall hold.

Sleepy KP- II

[Earlier I had told my about my night-out and its drastic effects. Now, I was sitting giving an exam without knowing anything about the subject.]

The paper was given to me with a confident smile by Sulls; after all he had taken the revision class. The only thing was I did not study at all. My only savior could be the definitions taught to me by Brijesh and structure which I had asked him to draw on my table just before the exam.

Then started the battle between me and the paper, in which I had my pen and confidence and the paper had… well, questions.

Sitting at an awkward angle to hide the drawing under the paper itself, I started writing the paper and gave my imagination all the freedom that should not be given in a science exam. The exam thankfully got over and I well, instead of packing just roamed around with friends. Then a bit of good weather, a bit of more roaming and a minute of basketball (after that I tripped, made a fool of myself and hurt my leg.. it was fun).

After that I went to room, packed my bag and got ready to leave. The only thing was I had only 20 min. left. So I went with Aamir and reached the station with less than 2 min. left. And a few droplets of water made their presence felt on my face.

”Damn! It is gonna start raining now.”

But I had bigger worries. The announcement for train had not yet started so I thought of taking some money from ATM. I did not had any beside what I borrowed from friends. However, the ATM had -in one of my friends language- started acting gay (no offence to the gay community [;)] peace). So no money, honey.

So I ran back to the platform. Only hitch, the train had for the first.. nay second time in history decided to give me another platform, the tougher one. C’mon Kunal.. do some exercise, cross the bridge. Go to platform 6. So, I did this and then found my bogey at the same time as a fat and filled water drop found my cheek. And I started running towards the bogey (the train was still moving). I was in the train a little wet but overall in perfect condition.

------------------------------------------

In the train I was almost instantly asked my seat by a guy who wanted to be with his group. Ahhh.. the pain of being a young and healthy boy in the world. You are not supposed to have the lower seat at any cost. So I went to an upper some other place. Alas! there was no solace there too. A gentleman was there too waiting to ask me the same question.. again. My answer also was the same. Yes!! Why? dunno. We waited for the TT. Meanwhile this gentleman who wanted the seat for his child offered me a drink. I was lets say first shocked, then amazed. Time to shave had come, I realized.

Nevertheless, I gave my seat to him and got a new seat: above my original seat. The fate of life.

Then I went to the bliss of sleep. In the morning I was woken up by a man telling me that the station has arrived. I woke up and with swollen eyes looked around, no one in the whole train. He was the cleaning guy. Déjà vu.

“Good Lord! At least it was not the yard where I woke up. Hmm.. they clean the train.”

How did I sleep this way amazes me. I am a light sleeper in the train but this time I just slept away.

Sleepy KP- I

When you do a night out to study then weird things are bound to happen next day. That is a bigger certainty if you are not used to this. This is the wisdom I gained from my last encounter with the exams which courtesy IITR are not very frequent. Thank you IIT-Roorkee.

My math's exam about which I am not going to talk anyway, is the grand reason and cause of this post. I came to know the course of math’s exam at 2300 hrs (11 o’clock night) for a paper that was at 9:30 in morn. The course was… let us say.. of considerable amount and the idea of night-out was in the open like a prostitute saying- “Look at me.. Look at me.” And I grabbed it like a horny man (Sorry for my crude language but no other description seem to fit).

Then after two cups of tea (caffeine has a remarkable effect on me) and a whole night with Andy and Aamir, with guest appearances by others I was ready to give exam in the morning. After an hour this exam was over and then came the fatigue of a night-out. I think if I had slept the night before that for more hours then it might have helped.

Anyways, this fatigue was supposed to be fought that day as at night I would be in the train sleeping blissfully. Just had to pass one more exam. Sulls took the revision class which seemed an attempt to thwart my attempts of being awake. But my poetry and prose helped me sail through that. In fact the post ‘Pain’ and ‘Ghazal’ after that were my allies in that battle against Sulls and sleep.

But who can save you from food..

Then came the deadly lunch..

After that I went to Rajeev to tell him that I will study the subject from him. Requesting/Ordering him that, I came to my room and started writing the post ‘Pain’.

That was 2:00 pm.

--------------------------------------------

Next thing I know…

Brijesh came to my room and woke me up. It was 5:00 pm. The paper starts in 0 min. OMG!!! What about the study? Where is Rajeev? These were my first thought. Next- Hell with it.. Let me go and get over with it.

But still I did not knew anything about the subject. I was even not listening during the revision class. I asked a few definitions from Brijesh and went to exam with my pen and .. my confidence, which at that time seemed pretty useless. In fact now that I think about it, what the hell was the confidence doing there? It should have been hiding somewhere. Guess did not care about the exam, did I?

With this pen and confidence I sat there on the chair while cursing Rajeev and Vikas- two people I trusted who betrayed me- and waiting for the paper.

 

[Next time I’ll tell you how went the paper and the déjà vu of this.]

A song I love to love.

 

Make someone happy,
Make just one someone happy;
Make just one heart the heart you sing to.
One smile that cheers you,
One face that lights when it nears you,
One girl you're ev'rything to.

Fame if you win it,
Comes and goes in a minute.
Where's the real stuff in life to cling to?
Love is the answer,
Someone to love is the answer.
Once you've found her, build your world around her.

Make someone happy,
Make just one someone happy,
And you will be happy, too.

-Jimmy Durante.

Sleepless in Seattle.

Ghazal

Kahan  jaayen  hum  ki  ab  chhup  jaayen.

Apnon se dur koun se gairon ko apnaayen..

 

Uff! Har  khwahish  ko pura  karne  ki  aadat.

Hum kaise ab is tamanna ko badal paayen..

 

Ye sansanaate chehre jo saamne aa rahe hain.

Koun    si    mitti    mein    ab    sir    dabayen..

 

Dusron ki nazron se chura li nazrein hamne.

Kahan  ab  apna  aks  jaa  kar  chhupaayen..

 

Rahega  naam  ab  chaaron  samt  ‘Prakash’.

Kya karein ki gumnaami ka khazana paayen..

Pain- Feel it..

Of all the pains- physical, mental and metaphysical the worse is the pain of loss. Loss of an object or a person is immaterial. Loss gives us a sense of weakness which hurts our pride. This extra pain is what elevates this pain to a new height.

Now, what is to be understood here is that the value of the object or person is immaterial or unrelated to the amount of pain. In fact the value of the object or human might increase in our eyes if we see it getting away from us. This feeling sometimes is so strong that it can renew a dying relationship. Create love where none existed and a new attachment or sight is endowed upon us. Sounds beautiful na… But it rarely happens.

Most of the time the disease is diagnosed too late to be cured and all an individual can do is try to suppress or sustain this pain. But when has been controlling pain an easy task. We when overcome with pain shout, howl, screech and try to suppress the pain by drowning it in these sounds.

Then we use reactions like hate, agony, jealousy which we might have not shown earlier because of our composed attire. This is an interesting development and can almost always be used as a diagnose for a person’s nature. Sudden change in person’s behavior, even for a flick of second (in fact for a flick of second)  and we have a person having lost something or someone, or is having the fear of the same.

Hmmm!!

Today I am gonna talk about very serious stuff. I have no serious thought in my mind so am going to take sometime.

Created..

Well, the question which I am going to put today might be found offensive by some masses so it is requested that those masses do not read this stuff. It is better you do not read this rather abuse me.

So, hmmm!! What is loosing virginity? I mean you have a passionate night, an act of love takes place and you have lost something that can now never come back.

Sad.. Very sad. It should not be like this. But Alas! That is the bitter truth of life. You have to loose something to gain something. And for eternal bodily pleasure you ought to loose something… forever. This is your fees in the transaction.. of life!

But this is not what I am going to cry about. As I had said earlier I am happy that I am at least below the country’s average; I have already crossed the world average, sadly. I wanna talk about a different thing.

Is loosing virginity a physical process or a chemical one?

I mean that we had studied in chemistry in school that process which can’t be reversed are chemical process. I mean that any process that is irreversible was considered a chemical process. The physical process by definition are reversible. Like evaporation, moving of a ball from one place to other. But souring of grapes, curdling of milk etc. are chemical processes. So, is loosing virginity like evaporation or like souring of grapes. As far as it seems from the definition of my childhood days, it seems a chemical process.

Ironically though, this act of love is totally physical. Its like a physical process giving the result of a chemical one. Its all confusing..

Also, now even chemical processes are easily reproducible as chemistry has modernized itself. 

Waaaaiiiiitttt a bit..

EUREKA!!

Its not a chemical or physical process. Its a nuclear process. It all fits. It is not easily reproducible; in fact sometimes not at all reproducible.. (Mind you methods have been devised to restore virginity of girls though no such provisions are there for boys. So technically, I am right).

And this process is also explosive, requires excitation but produces a lot of energy in various forms (like heat, sound, physical movements and all though I would prefer not to go into details).

Once started both are very difficult to stop and often have disastrous results if is uncontrolled and without precautions. Both have various safety issues and safety covers (like suits, gloves etc..).

WOW!!

I am impressed by my talent.

Hmmm!!

Good work TRYST..

PS- This again is the work of Tryst, so an apology to all offended by this.- Kunal

PPS- !#$@! Stop doing that Kunal. I am warning you. No one messes with Tryst.

Another… Poetry

 

Khuda se maangi thi khwahish, fakat ek baar tujhko dekhne ki.

Poori to ki Khuda ne khwahish, magar lafz-b-lafz..

[I asked God to give just a glimpse of you.

God fulfilled my request but word-by-word..]

 

Found this one in my diary. Was browsing through the old memory lane when this piece of beauty just showed itself and forced itself upon me to write here. This one might specially touch a guy if ever he has waited for a girl for eternity to just see a glimpse of her. I have.

This is written by… me. And this is one of my favorites, not because of its writing style or something as it does not possess the orthodox style of a couplet. It has all the emotions that a person could feel while watching that one someone special and cursing God for giving you just a minute with her; and yourself for asking that only.

Ghazal

 

Thoda ahista chalo ki saamne aaina milega.

Koi tumhare jaisa tumhe pyar karta milega..

 

Ho jaaye kabhi jo dil fanaa to kya baat hai.

Yun hi kabhi tootna to iska dekhne milega..

 

Aansun bhi bhar gaye hain daaman mein.

Jo chala gaya vo ab kya hi vapas milega..

 

Aur zamane ne bhi khoob laga liye kehkahe.

Unhe aisa tamasha ab dubara kahan milega..

 

Kuchh taaza khudaon ka pata chala hai.

Inme mera khuda jaane kahan milega..

A twist in the story.

There is always a twist in the story. This is what makes the story interesting. This twist grips the reader to rest of the plot. This twist can come at the ending like an awesome climax. May be it is in the centre changing the whole course of the story. Or we may see a starting which shocks us enough to hold till the end. Whatever be the case there always is a twist.

The funny part is that life too has twists. Every moment that happens brings a new incident which can be only comprehended and reacted to in that second. This spontaneity gives the life the wrong decisions, the wrong judgments and obviously multiple twists.

Then there are also forces of nature acting; for or against we never know. Every variable independent of each other and millions of variables; how can one predict future. But still we all do so, try to comprehend the future, see dreams, have visions and unfortunately see them twisting into nightmares.

But if there is a God I will just say that he surely enjoys all the twists. With his popcorn beside him he savors on the expressions of shock and dismay we give when facing a twist.

I am trying to learn to enjoy these twists because I know that I can not avoid them. So I guess its better to join them, feel them and savor them like God and move ahead to find a new twist. Life is ever changing, seeing dreams involuntary; so its better to accept the death of the dream and see a new one than mourn over its death.No use regretting the last turn we take. Rather look for the new turn. Looking back never helps driving. A minor glimpse at the rear view mirror is fine but to look in the same mirror sitting in a car with no reverse gear is foolishness.

You know something though; the beauty of philosophy is that it is as tough to apply as easy it is to say.

A few spaces..

Something is different now.

What has happened?

Did the life changed a bit. NO!

Did I woke up early today?

No, nothing such sort.

But the flowers have a smell you know.

And birds do fly now.

The sun has a beauty in it, the moon too glitters somehow.

Slept a few days back I soundly.

Yet sleep is not coming even vaguely.

A few miles trekking was tiring back then.

Now,

A day later, a timeline later.

It is but a step to me.

Journey is my destiny now,

With my destination in my eyes.

What are a few miles, a few light-years?

In the event called Love.

A few spaces need to be travelled.

A few spaces need to be filled.

 

For you DC. My friend, may this event be a happy milestone for you in the journey called life!

Nothing to say… Today…

I have nothing to say today. The mind is a messed up place you know. One minute you are all set to start studying for a mid-term exam tomorrow. Next minute you are out in the open walking alone around the ground with your mind trying to solve an infinite loop.

Tomorrow is Geo-science mid-term I which should have happened a month ago but got ahem… postponed a bit. Anyways, after that we have mid-term II starting on Sunday.. Yes, a holiday but that is something either I am used to now or don not care about. So, will try to study again.

Besides that my perpetual problem is still that.. perpetual. It is in fact an infinite loop clogging my mind and controlling my decisions. Why can not life has a bit Boolean algebra in it. A bit of true and false. yes or no, 0 n 1. What we have is err.., maybe, dunno, can’t explain, pass and many more. Sigh..

Ahoy! Poetry

Pou footi, kirno se kaanch baje hain.

ghar jaane ka waqt hua, paanch baje hain..

 

Saari shab ghariyal ne chowkidari ki hai…

[Morning came, rays hit the glass.

time to go home, five on the watch..

 

Whole night clock-tower was the gaurd… ]

This is not a sher (couplet) but a Triveni. It is a style of poetry devised by Gulzar in which the first two lines are a couplet and the last line changes the whole meaning of the couplet. An altogether different perspective, I may say.

This triveni is written by Gulzar himself and why I like this is because I do not understand it. I know its literal meaning but what does it represents that I am unable to decipher. May be I am reading between the lines too much but then with Gulzar you can’t help but be cautious.

Besides, I like the phrase “kirno se kaanch baje hain” too much. This is what poetry is. And then he wins Oscar for Jai Ho!