Lying down asleep like a log.
What is there now to blog.
In dead mind you see a dream.
Wake up and see a dream!
Arise, awake to this problem ahead.
Not everyone is happy and fed.
Open your heart and feel the scream.
Wake up and see a dream!
I know life is beautiful.
And for some its dutiful.
But for a new vision I beam.
Wake up and see a dream!
A thought, a feeling dies.
A child on street cries.
Feed the child some cream.
Wake up and see a dream!!
Kuchh mukammal ho chuke khwab ab tanha ho gaye.
Yaadon se to hum ab besahara hi guzar gaye..
Kuchh haath mein hai ya nahin kya pata mujhe.
Par behte lahu ne batayaki ye haath chhil gaye..
Door kahin manzil nazar aati hi nahin varna.
Hum to humsafar ke bina hi safar pe nikal gaye..
I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All the sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain
If I wait for cloudy skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know that I still love you
So though the heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Raindrops falling from heaven
Will never wash away my misery
But since we're not together
I'll wait for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see
Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
This is my current favourite English song and maybe even my current most favourite. As of now, I have heard this only thrice but man this song is ultimate.
To, Kunal
Wait..
BOO.. HOO.. HA HA HA
BOO.. HOO.. HA HA HA
BOO.. HOO.. HA HA HA
phew.. now let me begin
I do not know what I want to say.. So I will not say anything. [;)]
I am angry all right, all the old feelings are back. Ya, the same one of last board exam.. Remember na Kunal.. You must be feeling quite pissed off with yourself right now. [:D] You will always be naive, no wait a sec. You are not naive, I told you this would happen, you are foolish. Ha! Foolish Kunal, foolish Kunal and will always be. Likh liye post. Aur likh, aur soch.. Ab kyon nahi sochta. Kaise sochega, dimag band ho gaya hai tera. In fact tere paas dimag tha bhi kab. [:P]
Tujhe to gaali bhi dene ka mann nahi kar raha. You are a piece of junk that will never work properly. Wish you had one good part to use bech ke main kuchh paise hi kama leta. Maraa hathi bhi nau lakh ka hota hai aur tu to zinda bhi nau rupaye ki aukat nahi rakhta. Kitni baar tujhko samjhaya hai maine. KITNI BAAR!!!!!
Kab samjhega tu.. Akal to aayegi nahi. Tujhe maine kaha tha yahi hoga, ab ho raha hai to tu samajh nahi paa raha. Tujhe to kisi museum mein rakhna chaahiye.. Tere ko book pakda do, chit de do, invigilator ko neend ki goli khila do tab bhi tu fail ho jaayega. Ab kya chahata hai.. tera paper main likhun.. Ya paper banane waale ko bula lein. Tu to dhaporshankh hi rahega.
Main to samajh nahi paata tera dimag rehta kahan hai.. Aur tere pass to dil bhi hai. Usko kya bhaade pe de diya.. Us se hi soch liya kar, hamesha ghutnon ko kyon takleef deta hai.. Vo chalne ke liye hote hain, agar bio nahi padhi tune to main bata deta hun..
Mera bas chalta to tujhe kaat ke phenk deta but tere se emotionally attached hun, nahi kar sakta. I mean why so childish, grow up for god’s sake. Mere jaisa to tu ho nahi sakta, nakal hi kar liya kar. Is se better situation mein hoga. Aur ainda tu vo hi karega jo main kahunga, ek pair idhar ka udhar and i will break your leg.
Jaanta hun nahi sunega, pehle galti karega phir mere paas aayega aur bolega ki sambhalo. Ab kya sambhalun main?
- Tryst
I am being weird here because I have a crush on a girl and now I am writing this. Man, what will she think of this. Maybe that I am confused or psycho. Though I know what will she say if I asked her this. “Theek hai, hota hai. Tera matter hai. Main kya bolun” Barring a few words more or less this is the phrase. Diplomatic!! I know. [:)].
Anyways, this post is about crushes so let me put my doubts in front of you. Crush is considered an intense attraction which subsides over time. It has no rhyme or reason etc. etc.
This is what I hear crush is. Now I have here a few words which do not mean the same thing but somehow this definition applies on all of them. The words are LOVE, LUST, LIKING and CRUSH. So what is the difference between them?
Ya.. Ya.. Love is divine. Should not be compared with these petty, small, trifuleses (my own word) like liking and crush or dirty words like lust. But I will. Jo ukharna hai ukhar lo.. [:)))] [Do whatever you can..]
So what is the difference actually. We will have to define them more minutely to separate each with the other. If you like a person you have to know the person, his or her qualities.OK so liking needs time. Agreed, but doesn’t love needs time as well. To grow and nurture itself. But then what about the Love at first sight. I know some people do not believe in it but then some people do. It is not a matter of debate.. Today.
Bottom line, Love and liking intersect.
Now lust.. A word looked down upon. I have sympathy with lust. It is the most truer and purer form of emotion than others. Crude, can be understood most easily, yet.. hated. Society has refined us to the extent that truth now seems crude to us. Alas! some openness I wish could illustrate the importance of lust in a relationship. Try to live with a guy or gal you are not attracted in ‘that way’. You will be just confused that what is wrong when apparently everything seems alright. It is because we refuse to see the truth, the lust. We like the person but don’t lust him or her.
Sorry.. Got a bit emotional I guess. Ahem.. Lust is from the beginning. It starts instantly and sometimes do not last long. If it starts later after 5 min then it has more probability of lasting. The longer it lasts the exciting the relationship remains. It is the wild horse and fun to ride on. So it has the traits of crush and love in it though no traits of liking. It though most of the time is a short-lived phenomenon. In fact Love at first sight in often seen as lust only but lust is more of a physical attraction.
Now comes the star of the day- Crush. I am going to define Love.I have come to believe that it is a manifestation of all these traits together in various proportion. It is not an emotion or feeling but an outcome of the merger of the various other feelings. So back to Crush. What is crush then? Isn’t it Love itself. It has all the traits of love. It can begin at any time, can last pretty long. Mine do. Their strength is also astounding. I mean people often are not able to talk to people on whom they have crush. You want good things to happen to the person on whom you have crush on. What else is LOVE!! Crushes are love only. Ya, I know what you wanna ask.. “Oh! But what about the crushes on stars and all.” That is my dear friends BS. It is physical attraction, lust which again is slighted by this hypocrite society and given a better name.
Though let us differentiate Love and Crush my way. Or lemme redefine them in a new style. A completed crush is Love. By completed I do not mean that it has happy ending. By completed I mean reciprocated. In other words if you are a guy having crush on a girl, you tell her your emotions to the girl and the feeling is reciprocated then its Love else hold it forever as the crush. It includes stars also so I guess the definition is quite acceptable by all standards. If the love is not reciprocated then it is a crush whatever you feel about it. How about this. Now everything is objectively defined and separate. [:)]
It is completely debatable and that is why the post has a question mark. It is solely my opinion and I love it.
P.S.- Vanity is my favourite sin..
I love this line from ‘The Devil’s Advocate’.
I do not know what possessed me when I wrote this. You will not understand what is written, even I do not. But it is something truly from the heart.
Am I sane? she asks.
What do I say?
Oh! What do I say?
Will a ‘no’ satisfy her?
Will a ‘yes’ be truth?
I know what she thinks.
I know how she feel.
I know her emotions well.
But none could set me free.
Bound I must be then.
‘Wish I was’ is actually the phrase.
Neither am bound nor free.
Betwixt Hell and Heaven I live.
In Good and Bad I merge.
Sanity and Insanity are words as well.
Maybe that is why I am in them too.
What is Truth?
What is Lie?
Who is Me? Who has Died?
Why didn’t I sleep?
Why did I cry?
She wants to go away, I am fine.
Yet this heart has a desire.
Mind & heart are not working I guess.
Then she asks me.
“Am I Sane?”
What do I say?
Oh! What do I say?
Will a ‘no’ satisfy her?
Will a ‘yes’ be truth?
I have always considered myself a great thinker. Or rather an absolute thinker. I think about everything and anything for all time. My mind doesn’t shut itself for anything. So, I should be a perfect decision maker. I think over every step logically and weigh the pros and cons.
Funnily though, when I have to take big decisions I always, not almost always, absolutely always take them in a jiffy. The first instinct most of the time. And adamant as I am I rarely change them. Its my gut feeling and I go with it.
The question is – “Why do I think then?”
Does this thinking creates base for me. Maybe. Actually hopefully, it does. Else my twenty years of twenty and half years is wasted on a thing which has no use.
Fear – One of the strongest emotions present. And out of these the greatest must be fear of failure. How can one overcome it. ‘Gita’- the greatest Hindu scripture deals with aptly. If a person is not worried about the consequences, the fear evaporates.
But the phrase- “Karma karo, phal ki ichchha mat karo” [Work, don’t lust over result.] is a straight path to the greatest heaven (Baikunth lok). So, it ought to have a catch [:)]. What is written between the lines then. The problem is – nothing. Nothing is written between the lines. Its too simple to trust. The ‘TRUST’ is what creates the problem. How can we trust something so simple. Its like trusting on swimming instead of ship. No one does.
It is easier to trust someone else than oneself. Why? Because it gives us the right to be casual and also someone else to blame. Its much more convenient.
I detest weakness of any kind. Be it physical, mental or metaphysical, if I am not strong its not right. Like wise I hate fear itself. Whenever I encounter a fear I try to counter it, win against it at any cost. Today, I realize that this urge itself is a birth-child of fear - ‘fear of failure’. This fear is not harming me, in fact benefitting me. But now I know about it the urge has started to bubble up inside.
Killing oneself though is a tough task. No one can choke himself to death. If someone knows swimming, he can not drown himself. Self-defence mechanism. Similarly, an urge born out to fear can not kill the same fear. Therefore, unfortunately –or fortunately- I will have to detach this from myself before killing it.
Deep… Confusing… Scary… Crap..
I know.
May be this is what is called enlightenment.
Cognizance ended a few days back.
Cognizance is the technical festival of IIT-Roorkee, my college. Students from various colleges present their ideas, experts on various fields are called for their lectures and various fun but mind exhaustive games or tiny events are their for entertaining and enlightening the youth, that is us, of India.
The event was promoted as the second largest tech-fest of India. Now, I don’t know which is the largest one… wait a sec.. maybe its Techfest of IIT-Bombay. So, we are the second largest, that’s not bad at all. Anyways, its over now and we are back to the silence.
This post is not about how good or bad the event went. Its not about what I felt during the event. This post is about ‘what now?’ Where did this event, a technical festival lead us? To me knowledge is something which gives you an inspiration to acquire it more. Its like alcohol, you should get addicted. So, in a sense Cognizance should be a gate to a new world of information and its last day should have given the feeling of a quest taking shape, not a task done. Maybe I am too poetic to understand the things of the world. Maybe this is how events end. Maybe I was not involved enough. Maybe some one did feel like this.
I hope that either what I feel is wrong and people did get inspired to embark upon a journey to find knowledge hidden beneath girth of ignorance. Or maybe I have put my money on the wrong horse in which case there is no one to blame but my own foolishness. I behaved like a kid who watching a kite feels that this kite will take him where ever he wants..
Cognizance has ended but for me it was just another day, with another question intriguing my conscience.
Jis rishtey ko anjaam tak le jaana na ho mumkin.
Use ek khubsurat mor deke chodna achchha..
[A relation which has no end in the future.
Better to leave it at a beautiful turn..]
Not written by me this one.. but is one of my life’s philosophical line. Those who might have read my post Move on!! must have understood the importance and depth of this couplet.
But sometimes it becomes difficult to do so..
I am currently on crossroads. I know what I want. I know I can have it. The problem is I should not have it (conscience- I am still on the line between good and bad [:)] ). So, I should leave it.
Then I will look somewhere else, find something to my musing and then everything in this moment will be past (nothing special I meant).
I will find out the answer to it I know. Let us see if I am a good boy or a bad one. [;)]
Again here I am.
Before the lonely shores.
Why? OH! Why?
This fate of mine,
So sealed.
Found the world gaping.
Found the world applauding.
But this is not enough,
Something is missing.
I am missing.
The water frothing,
touches my feet.
Giving the sensations,
Longed.
Wishes, left unfulfilled.
Desires, my heart and body wants.
Should I follow the id.
Follow ‘em.
Or,
Should fear be given a chance.
Balance will be broken,
I know, now for sure.
But in the muddy water I see.
Me, but lost.
Within my own mind.
Within my own dilemma.
Within, my own sea.
A life full of joy is not perfect. Why? Because its not complete. Not exhaustive. Without sorrow, hate, jealousy and failure, love, beauty, joy or success have no meaning whatsoever. This is what life comprises of. If we apply the same concept about completeness to everything else, is it valid?
Say, for example, if the universe is complete it should have both the birth and death of stars. Heavenly bodies should be going away from each other and also towards each other. If science is complete then it should account for both the certain & the uncertain.
If philosophy is complete then it should constitute in it both the sane and insane.
Isn’t it?
Taking this foolishness (Hey! Humans also have both intelligence and stupidity) further. If God is perfect, complete and everything we say about it (I prefer calling God it) then it should constitute both the dark and the bright. If God is alone he will have to be both good and bad, yin-yang or whatever terminology you want to use.
But (I know.. my posts always have a but).
But a bad God!! Isn’t it better to have a Satan. But they do not neutralise each other. Balanced is not maintained you see. So there ought to be a greater evil than a measly Satan.
Just a thought [:)].
Sigh..
That’s it. This perfectly describe my emotion.
I have always heard that ‘MEN are DOG’. At first, I thought what you can hear in almost any comedy movie having this statement, that is, dogs are faithful but men are not. Ya I know, too old a joke now. May be we should have been compared with rabid dog or something. Then it would have made much sense. Anyways, that, I meant was my original thought.
Then I thought of giving it a rerun. After all this thought has been for years whereas I am just 20. I believe in giving respect to a hypothesis if its older than me. Anything younger than me is just a rumour.
The question was how to do it. The answer came from a source I was surprised to see but you may find it obvious. I saw Draco, my eyes met his; his tongue came out to lick my face. In the event of saving my face and sacrificing my hand instead this divine knowledge dawned over me. I started dogging the footsteps of my dog. Whenever whatever he did I made a mental note of it for further research.
Then I realised what the sentence meant. Draco gets food whenever he wants. He goes out twice or thrice daily and run around wild with tongue hanging on one side. He also has two, maybe three girlfriends who peacefully co-exist.
When Draco comes back from his expeditions he drinks ample amount of water that is RO processed or whatever the latest technology that is. Then he goes to the balcony, reviews the condition of his empire, looks at the other stray dogs as an emperor might look at his subjects. After this formality he takes his legen… wait for it.. dary nap. It is as if he has taken a sleeping pill or something.
He recently met with a life-threatening accident and thankfully came out without much harm. Since then he has been eating from my mum’s hand directly. Seeing this a quick flashback came to me of all the times when he has been either sick or just not feeling it. He then eats from someone’s hand (usually my mum’s) only.
Besides, he travels by car only, sleep in A.C. rooms in summer and prefers lift anytime over stairs.
This gave me the reason why it is said that men are dogs. It is so because they like to live as they wish . Believe the world is beneath them, have reckless relationships and like cars and laziness.
But..
I know there always is a but..
But I am not as happy as that son of a bitch (literally). And neither am having girlfriend(s), RO water or ACs. What I have is a small room with two room-mates with just fans, water from who knows what and yes, i am single. And also, yet, I am not as fit as Draco. Worse than all of them combine, I do not even have a car here.
The only question I can ask is- “Am I not Dog enough?”
Sigh..
Last night
When half of moon visited the sky
I saw a strange vision.
What was it?
What it meant?
God’s word or,
Satan’s voice.
Angelic origin or,
My eyes’ fault.
But the half was smiling
Looking at me
Peeping rather,
From the nearby house.
It wanted something I know.
It needed something I felt.
I ran for help
Forgetting the human limits.
Pain, happiness, joy, cry
All faded in that milky shine.
But Alas!
All my effort went in vain.
The help I wanted to give
The care I wanted to provide
They were of no use.
Solitary,
I failed.
Far, far away,
The half went.
To meet its beloved.
To be full, to complete.
Its pain I knew before
Reason I feel now.
“I’ll be back”
Said it to me.
“Complete with other half, beside me”.
I’ll wait, I’ll wait
For the promise to complete.
Bless thee Oh! Incompleteness.
You give us all a meaning.
I’ll find you one day, I promise.
My other half, trust me
I’ll find you one day, I promise.
Got tagged again. I don’t know why people want to ask me so many questions. Anyway, as I am free. It's called 100 Truths. After you've filled this out, tag 3 people and have them do the same.
1. Last beverage: Limca
2. Last phone call: Ma
3. Last instant message: None Actually.
4. Last song you listened to: Crap, don’t remember so Kuchh Khaas from Fashion.
5. Last time you cried: Not this year. Before that in Taare Zameen par
6. Last text message: My uncle.
HAVE YOU EVER:
7. Dated someone twice: Yes
8. Been cheated on: No, At least as far as I know.
9. Kissed someone & regretted it: No
10. Lost someone special: Yes! More than Once.
11. Been depressed: Yup, but for too short a period to be said depressed. More like sad.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Blue
13. Black
14. Chocolate Brown
THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:
15. Made a new friend: Yes
16. Fallen out of love: No
17. Laughed until you cried: Nope, unfortunately
18. Met someone who changed your life: No
19. Found out who your true friends were: No, nothing challenging happened to sort this out.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: No
21. Have you kissed anyone on your friend's list: No
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: All of them, literary. Most, figuratively.
23. How many kids do you want to have: 3 at least.
24. Do you have any pets: Yes! 1 Dog. A CRAZY German Shephard
25. Do you want to change your name: No
26. What did you get for your last birthday: My new beautiful SE W910i.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Blogging and … do not remember.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: To get my degree.
30. Last time you saw your father: 14 days back.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Sometimes when I am gloomy I might concoct something up but nothing actually. To me everything-good or bad is an experience, I just live it and enjoy.
32. What are you listening to right now: Nothing.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Nope.
35. Most visited webpage: Gmail, I guess. Chrome says so. :)
36. What’s your real name: As in? My full name should be Kunal Prakash Yadav but Yadav got scrapped in marksheets (not accidently) so it is- Kunal Prakash.
37. Nicknames: KP. and one which is my mum’s copyright so..
38. Status: Single
39. Zodiac sign: Leo for Sun-sign, Capricorn for moon-sign and Dragon for Chinese Zodiac. (God is in the details I heard [;)] )
40. Male or female: Male
41. Elementary: Started in Kanpur, then St. Anthony-Fatehgarh.
42. Middle School: After that Rani Laxmibai Public School-Jhansi
43. High school: Rani Laxmibai Public School-Jhansi
44. University: IIT-Roorkee
45. Hair color: Black
46. Long or short: Hair short
47. Are you a health freak: No
48. Height: 5'8"
49. Do you have a crush on someone: Obviously.. Meg Ryan, Hilary Duff, Kate Hudson, Madhuri Dixit, blah.. blah.. blah..
50: What do you like about yourself: Everything. As Al Pacino said in ‘The Devil’s Advocate’-“ Vanity is my favourite sin.”
51. What don’t you like about yourself: What I don’t like I change.
52. Righty or lefty: Righty.
FIRSTS :
53. First surgery: None.
54. First piercing: None again.
55. First best friend: My sis. Nikita.
56. First award: Don’t remember.
57. First sport you joined: Cricket.
58. First pet: White mice or a tortoise. I don’t remember which was the first but it sure was among these. Or was it parrot. Whatever..
59. First vacation: Don’t remember. C’mon who remember it. I must have been a baby.
60. First concert: Must be Rave-rock nite.
61. First crush: Gul
WHAT ARE YOU.....
62. Eating: Nothing
63. Drinking: Nothing
64. I'm about to: Go to sleep, hopefully.
5. Listening to: Wasn’t this que. asked earlier. Nothing yet. ( I know the quiz is long but guys..)
66. Waiting for: Net speed to increase.
YOUR FUTURE :
67. Want kids: Yes. loads.
68. Want to get married: Yes.
69. Careers in mind: May be my own setup. Let’s see. It’s time yet.
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX? :
70. Lips or eyes: Eyes
71. Hugs or kisses: Kisses
72. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous
73. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice Stomach
74. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
75. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
76. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble Maker
77. Lefty or Righty: Err..
78. Shorter or taller: Again Err..
79. Older or Younger: Older..
HAVE YOU EVER :
80. Lost glasses/contacts: Nope. I don't have Vision defects. Thank you!
81. Ran away from home: Not yet. ;)
82. Kissed a stranger: Still hopeful.
83. Drank Pepsi: No man, it is not available in the world, is it?
84. Broken someone’s heart: Yup, many times. Considered an expert in it.
85. Been arrested: Nope.
86. Turned someone down: Yes.
87. Cried when someone died: Yes, if animals count.
88. Liked a guy/girl friend?: Yeah.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself: Yes.
90. Miracles: Still figuring them out.
91. Love at first sight: Yes.
92. Heaven: Agnostic.
93. Santa Claus: No.
94. Kiss on the first date: Yes.
95. Angels: See 92.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
96. Are you happy with your life: Yes, but bored.
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now: YES counting family out obviously. Else the answer always will be MUM. Mama’s boy through and through.
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time: No, but exciting proposition.
99. Do you believe in God: Still Agnostic.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths: Yeah. on my blog.
P.S. I tag Andy, Dhruv and Rajeev. :))
I have nothing to say today. No poetry to write, no thoughts to share, nothing to ask and no humour to entertain you. I am feeling dumb, deaf and blind all at the same time with absence of brain too. As if..
Ya.. nothing to say. I am not sad, or disappointed or humiliated. Neither am I happy, jovial and peppy.Usually when I am getting bored or empty one of these feelings fill the empty place (most of the time the fillers are sad but then I can’t help it). Presently, nothing. I can not explain it. The interesting part is that this is affecting what I write in the most unexpected way. I can write but I can’t think of anything so essentially I can not write anything as well (of any sense I meant).
Anyways…
Love you all.
Festivals are fun. Whether they are social huge festivals like Holi or a meek and humble campus festival. Rave- our cultural festival has passed and Cognizance- our technical fest is tomorrow.. no technically today.
My friends say I beat about the bush a lot. This paragraph must have proved this. I am trying to remove this habit (Oh! What the hell.. I am not trying to remove the habit as I feel it is good. [:P] )
Anyways, now the content..
We had the promotional events today for two events- Junkyard Wars and Aakriti. It was a quiz show sort of stuff and Mohit and I were the anchors. I didn’t count how many guys (& gals) were there but I should say they were enough. It was two men’s voice (with speakers) against too many incoherent screams. Soon it was two guys shouting (still on mike.. with speakers) against too many umm.. children screaming.
Long story short Mohit and me are currently having sore throats and our voices are err.. tainted a bit.
Man, I love speaking.. and festivals..
For now…
Lovely set of digits, aren’t they? Divisible by 3 and so are the individual digits. But you are not thinking about that. You have something else in mind. Considered evil in one religion, sinister in other, satanic in the third this thought was given, the most respect, by Freud.
Every religion is against this cute little 69. People swearing by them are considered sadistic, immature and on a path to devil or worse, hell. Why I consider devil and hell different is another topic.. ;)
OK, not every religion. Hinduism has the great KAMASUTRA, I know. I am a Hindu too, by birth anyways. But the truth is that RSS, BJP, VHP and rest of the camp are trying their best to destroy that particular part of our culture to ahem.. save our culture.
Oh my gosh!! I am again straying from the topic. Can’t help it, it seems. Nevertheless, I was just thinking about the digits and everything else around it and… Hey, don’t see me with that weird look on your face.. everyone thinks about the digits. We didn’t reach over 6 billion just like that. So, I was thinking about the digits and their absence (sigh!!) in my life despite being good in mathematics. [I got a hundred in 12th boards ;) ]
Again, grazing away somewhere else. Maybe greener pastures..
I was thinking about it when as usual my mind strayed and I reached.. somehow on the average age when we all become complete mathematicians by solving the 69 mystery. Its one of the highest for Indians (22.9 yrs.- phew.. still below it) though world average is about 19 yrs (damn.. missed it.). Hmm.. we are considered great in computers and mathematics. May be this is the reason, we study longer, harder to reach that level. To give the ultimate test. [;)]
New info— The average number of partners helping a man in solving this 69 equation in India is 3 whereas its 11 in USA. No wonder we take so much time. Thankfully we don’t try to solve it alone, else we would be trying all life and fail. [;)]. Women don’t fret, you don’t have to solve this equation with just help of a single guy. In fact, in USA women take help from 6.6 guy (hmm… how do they find the .6, err.. RJV, I understood [;)] [:))]). In India they take help from 1.8 guys. (No, Vince I understand this time.. Don’t point at your chest)
Anyways, this 1.8 shows that women in India are good at maths. They need 1.8 guys to solve the ultimate 69 problem. The same problem us guys take 3 gal helpers (& lot of solitary practices mind you) and yet we finish at the same age. In fact, I would dare to claim that women finish the equation earlier than men.
Gals, back me up.. You win this time and I am all with you.
PS- This is not written by me but by TRYST-my alter ego. He thinks he is so smart. I am sorry if it hurts someone.. (TRYST- I am also sorry if this doesn’t hurt someone. HA.. HA..)
PPS- If any girl is frustrated by this and wanna hurt me, rest assured my three lovely classmates will do the job cleanly.
PPPS- God knows what I wanted to write so.. enjoy this.
auron jaise ho kar bhi ba-izzat hain basti mein.
kuchh hai logon ka seedhapan,kuchh hai apni ayyari bhi..
[Being like others, yet am respected.
Bit due to people’s innocence, bit my cleverness..]
Written by NOT ME. I actually don’t know but am trying to find out who he or she is. But it is a great piece.. I have decided to post such couplets which I insanely like under a new tag. A single tag.
Anyways, this couplet somehow describes me so well that I can not help but love it. In a world where the greatest fear is that we do not camouflage it is not very difficult to be different. One just needs confidence and cunningness to be different. The rest can be trusted on the innocence of the people.
Humne aapke vaaste kuchh par bachaye hain.
Kabhi tamanna ho aapki
Sair pe kabhi jo jaana ho
Chaand to nazdeek hi hai..
Kuchh suraj se aage bhi duniyaein hain.
Aapke kadmon pe rakh di jaayengi.
Parwaaz ki zaroorat nahi hogi
Mere dil ki hasratein hi kaafi hongi
Aapko jannat tak ka safar karwaane ke liye,,
Par hum vahaan nahi jaayenge.
Khuda se aap na milo.
Abhi mujhe zaroorat hai aapki.
Vo mile aapse to
Apne farishton mein
Aapko bhi shamil kar lenge.
Khuda se vaise bhi banti nahi
Aisa hua to jhagde ki aur vajah ban jaayegi.
Duniya bhi khoob ghumi ja sakti hai.
Aur kabhi jo thak jaayein aap
Paron ko rakh deejiyega alag
Mere baazu bhi kab kaam aayenge.
Aapko god mein uthakar
Hum saari kaynat dekhne jaayenge.
Ye all folks
Who live like rodents.
Petty little things called human.
Believe me or not
Matters to me not
You are condemned
Condemned to me.
By very God you praise
You love
& some of you
Hate.
I shall be your master
I am your destiny
Live your life as you want.
All roads lead to me.
God is tired I know.
I, his successor
Will give you a new heaven.
‘Hell’ is the new heaven.
The title might give you a hint or clue that I am either going to tell you a tale of what things could have been if only… Or you might think it is some fictional tale about people saying “If only…” Or even a description on the phrase “If only…” Like one of that preaching stuff, right.
Well, it is none and all at the same time. Another clichéd phrase but I will take the liberty of using it. We all at one time or other have used this phrase, haven’t we? Yet hearing this from someone else always irritate us. We feel that the other person is making excuses and as we all know.. Excuses are a sign of a weakling and a failure,isn’t so? Back to what I was saying; we have used this phrase at one time or other. It is more gracious to accept this than deny.
Then we are all failures. Let me tell you some of my if only.
If only I had given my math exam well in 10th board I would have got above 90 marks. (Math was my favorite subject but I got lowest in 10th among all my subjects).
If only I had studied well for my JEE I would have got a better rank and a better college.
If only I wasn’t so lazy.
If only I knew what I want in life.
If only I time my thoughts better so that they get out when useful and not later.
and so on…
People have all kind of if only. From trivial ones like if only I had wore that dress for the party to if only I had given that drug to the patient. From if only I had ordered that instead of what I am eating right now to if only I had proposed to her. Their is always a certain gloominess around the if onlies. I do not know whether it is their inherent trait or they just sound so. But somehow I can distinguish between the good if only and the bad one.
I know you might be a bit perplexed about this. Well, that is why I am writing. To perplex you and attract you towards myself by this. On the topic now I believe that when someone say an if only their is a presence of hope or despair in it. In other words, a person saying an if only is on a downward slope or an upward curve could be found out by the way they say it.
If we hear- “ If only I had done that instead this.’ Then their is hope, the guy knows his mistake and will not make this mistake again or improve upon this. Hope is a prominent ingredient in this sentence. If we hear-“ If only it had happened that way instead this.” This is a downward slope towards unhappiness. When a man blames his past on someone else or something else then to succeed for him becomes a difficult task as he can not overcome this. We can quite easily forgive our mistakes than others.
I do not know how to end this post. I have suddenly gone blank. The sentence I just wrote (I bolded it) has got me into thinking. Its true and it is close to hypocrisy, is it not? I will not call it a straight hypocrisy as hypocrisy has got a much darker meaning and should always be used in circumstances of extremity. But nevertheless lets talk about this in some other post. For now, I think this is enough.
Andy is the culprit to do this to me. My love life (on which this quiz is apparently based) is too confusing to me as I do not know why they ended. Rather I should say what went wrong..Nevertheless the rules are that->
- Once tagged, u gotta answer the questions on your blog, replacing the ones you didn't like with ones you do.
- You then have to tag six other people who haven't fallen prey to this guy who tagged you. Vengence...If I might say takes away the pain to a lot of extent. You also have to mention( along with link) the name of the person who tagged you.
As said in ‘The Godfather’
“Let’s go to the mattresses”
1.If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?
First anger.. But if she is my lover then I will forgive her, eventually. Though I might leave her if/as she is happier with the other person.
2.What’s it that you see in an ideal partner?
I think intelligence and mental compatibility are definitely foremost important. For eg. I will never be happy with some one who do not appreciates literature. Besides that I do like a bit of tomboyish effect in girls. Rather, I should say that I like girls who are not umm.. ‘girly’. Also girls who listen more and talk less (Why? Because I talk too much [;)]).
Then comes the clichéd ‘beauty’. I will not define my terms of beauty as I do not understand them myself. Also she should have a sense of humor. As Joker said in Batman- “ Why so serious?”
And finally, she should like my eccentrics (there are lot of these in me), my madness and childishness. If she is able to do that..
“Wait a sec girl.. Just lemme find a ring.. ”
P.S.- My mum is the best gal I have ever seen and my parents the perfect couple. So anyone want to know what kind of girl I like, just see my mum. (mamma’s boy I am)
3.What, according to you, is the perfect date?
A bit of drizzling, a bit of cold. She is wearing my jacket with wet hair (long, if I might add) sticking to her body covering her cheeks a bit. Twilight with clouds helping reducing the visibility. A meadow ( I love grass) would be an ideal place. Also, solitude is compulsory.
Though my hunger would have died by now but considering it a human necessity (for her) any thing she likes (cooked by me of-course)
A full moon is something I would definitely like to see as the night comes. We talk about anything and everything that comes to mind. And the whole night (yes, it has to be whole night) is spread with kisses.
And a loooonnngggg kiss (I know its cheesy; sorry) to end the night and date.
4.How would you propose to your love?
It will not be beating about the bush as I am famous for. Somehow I can never beat about the bush when telling something direct from the heart. Maybe it will be blunt and on your face style but then if it is my ideal mate (Q 2.) she will love this eccentricity of mine. One thing is almost certain though, I will not be subtle. I will shout my LOVE and not accept it to her meekly. I just can not contain my happiness in me. My proposal will be loud and lavish.
5.Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Possible. But it might not work as best friend knows your madness but might not necessary like or understand them.
6.Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Loving someone.. through and through. It is fulfilling and gives life a meaning. If I love someone unconditionally then I will be happier than being loved by hundred girls (though I won’t mind it either [;)])
7.How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
Patience is not one of my qualities but love is a very strong emotion. For me Love means her happiness. I confess my love to her, she asks me to wait, I’ll wait.. as long as she likes. She says she is not interested in me as I am, I’ll change myself (at least, I’ll try). If I fail then I’ll move ahead (Not forgetting her-that I can not).
8.If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
OK… some one has made this questionnaire very cleverly.. As I said her happiness is top priority. Though I believe that- “Keeda karo to Keeda hoga”. Sorry, no other way to explain this. So I’ll definitely tell her about my feelings. Who knows she might also have had feelings for me. I do not like ‘What ifs?’ and will definitely give her.. err.. options as I might say this.. If she is happy with that other guy (hmmphh..) then I’ll will move on. I believe that one can fall in love again.
9.What do you think are the foundation stones of a good relationship?
To understand the rational part and love the irrational part of your mate.
Most relationship go wrong because we love the rational part and try to figure out (& sometimes correct) the irrational part.
What’s irrational is what makes an individual unique and most often can not be changed so should never be tried. Its not only fruitless but destroys the relationship. It should only be loved, completely.
10.What according to you is the most beautiful thing about relationships or marriage?
Sharing, for me.. I am a thinker and I mean that seriously. I think so much that I do not have a large memory and sometimes I can not differentiate between what I thought and what actually happened (for memories 5 yrs back or more). So I need to tell these things to some one. Who better than her?
I know it sounds selfish and I will not deny that. But I do not think it is as bad as it sounds. I am a good listener too.
11.Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
An industrialist, rich, hopefully married (and not divorced), definitely with kids. If I am not married I’ll adopt. And half-way my bucket list.
12. What’s your fear?
Currently, none that I know of. When I get any fear my first instinct is to over-power it. Nevertheless, the most perennial is losing the people I care about (including my Dog) Though being a stoic I know I will overcome the pain if something actually happens. But the constant sense of uncertainty definitely has its thrills.
13.What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Andy or Apoorv(a) as he is known to teachers is umm.. err..
lost the string of thoughts. let me start over again..
Andy thinks.. A trait rarely observed. Most people are so busy being ostrich that they forget that they have a mind of their own. He reads, comprehends, understands, analyse and write. He boosts your confidence if you lack it. Never looses hope on you; even if you have lost it yourself.
His singular bad quality is that he under-estimates himself to gigantic proportions. Hopefully he will understand his true value (not potential-he knows that) someday.
14.Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Tough one. Really tough one for me. I like my gadgets and all too much. Still, the charm of a relationship is too much. What use is the money if there is no one to spend it??[;)]
15.If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
Gee.. that’s a good one. Honestly, here I will be selfish and analytical. Like Ross’ list in FRIENDS.
16.Would you give all in a relationship?
120% might be closer. How can you not give it everything you have.. and more.
17.Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
Killing me doesn’t count I hope and so does my family. No, I can not. There will always be a limit to where I will forgive. I might still love her but forgiving again.. is not one of my better properties. It will take me time to heal if the wound is too deep.
18.Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
In a relationship.
19.Your all time favourite song. Only ONE. And why?
Only one is not enough for me.. its not fair..
[sobbing.. booh..bah..]
Alright better. The song will be “Na Sahi” from “Socha Na Tha”
-Ek ped hamne pyar ka …-
----------------------
Time for the hunted to become a hunter.
Take away my happiness
My right to smile
Take away my smile
Take away these colours and hues
Blind me
Take away these eyes
That you may take away visions of glory
And grace
And that you may bid me into an abyss of sorrow
Into a void of indifference
Puncture my heart
Let all that love rush out
That the dried well be parched forever
Stinging with hatred and loathing groans
Not for mercy, for but revenge
-Nay! There shalt be no mercy
All be so forth dealt with pain indifferent and just-
Pluck out that flower o'spring that grows within
Take away my childish eccentricities
Rip innocence off my faith
Take away my faith, my belief
And dress me instead
In a hide beneath which runs
The blood of a madman
Which seethes with cruel passion
Whence madness takes form of an ugly beast-a devil's reject
Leave me with no sense, no logic, no vision or sound
Leave me unloved, unloving, uncared for and uncaring
Leave me burning in the deep spit of cruel passions
-Passions of mad and greedy destruction
Of rage and fear, of bloodspills and tears
Take away my soul, take away my "self"
For I deserve it and you don't
For yet you want it and i don't
For yet you proclaim that you are God
And i don't...
I don't.
P.S.- This awesome piece of poetry is not mine but a creation of my friend. He has asked me not to put his name so I’ll not but he has not asked me not to put the name of his blog so-
When will I feel this pain?
When will the scream hum?
Trying hard to destroy myself.
When will the end come?
Tumhe bhi yaad nahi, aur main bhi bhool gaya.
Vo lamha kitna haseen tha, magar fizool gaya..
-Javed Akhtar
[You do not remember, neither do I.
It was a beautiful moment, but wasted it lie.]
So many of us fret over relations. Breaking of relations, forming of new bonds, cupid conspiring, love transpiring. It sounds beautiful, isn’t it? Well, its because of my writing skills and not in reality. The truth is not blissful and as most couples ought to know by now that relations are over-hyped. Only a few relations are there which can actually bear the test of time. The rest perish like foot-prints on sand, wiped out by sea-waves.
Parents’ relation with their children is the closest to idealism that I can speak about but you all know about that. Your first love- reminds you of the wind blowing, rain drops melting over your body, smell of moist soil acting as pheromones. Doesn’t?? That’s what I am talking about.
How many years have we lived but how many years we remember? Months? Weeks? Days??? Moments?????
Finally, can be counted. This is what life is made of. Monotonocity. But you know what, I accept that. Its a part of life; besides, we don’t have enough hard-disk to save all that happens to us every day. So agreed, you can not remember everything in your life.
But what about that little sweet-heart of yours. Remember the day we were on the beach and you told that funny joke.What was it?? When we had that ravishing night and you said the sweetest thing imaginable. Hmm.. It definitely had the word ‘Love’ somewhere, wasn’t it??
Now the connection. Do you think that there is any correlation between the no. of moments you remember & the amount of love you have for a person. But the relation of a mother & child defies that theory to a lot of extent. Most of the moments are when we can not retain our memory. But I am not a good person to judge that. Am too much a mamma’s boy. Also do you think that if we forget the moment it is a waste?? I am not sure about it. Sometimes I feel it to be true (when I am analytical). At other times, when I am romantic (and not necessarily a girl, just the mood) I feel that it is the moment that matters not whether later it is wiped off the memory.
So, what do you think??
Nice pic, isn’t it? Let me introduce you to the people standing in punishment here. The left-most is Rajshree- Pulp and Paper. Then it is Brijesh from Polymer. After that Dingse again from Polymer and last is Vikrant of Pulp and Paper.
This is a pic. from Rave, our socio-cultural festival. The event is Furor-the fashion parade. This was our own team. It went great, so did the Rave.
But this post is not about Rave or fashion parade. This post is an ode to the girl in black top and white jeans, wearing a cap standing in between the two hunks.
Dingse Esther Ch. Momin. Its her name and even I do not know what Ch. stand for.[:p]
She is looking beautiful, almost angelic. Now comes the history- She is in same branch as mine and I have seen her almost everyday since last one year. When I first saw her I knew we would be great friends. She is very friendly and sweet to the core. A bit slow but might be because her Hindi is weak and she needs more processing time (Sorry, Esther [;)] ).
27 Feb.
Mess.
I met her first time after her make-up. She looked phenomenal but human. She had her flaws, hidden but to me still visible. Still, I could not stop praising her. What did I know that it was the tip of the ice-berg.
27 Feb.
Ramp.
My team comes on stage. We are all cheering like hell, screaming in top of our voice. Then suddenly there is a pause. Silence. A few gasps… And the loudest cry from the mob. I didn’t know that such decibels were possible for the no. of people there. This was the entry of Dingse (or Esther as I preferably call her). Needless to say I was pretty shocked myself. She looked a stunner and everything a guy dreams for. I have met many girls, beautiful girls but for the first time will I be using this word to define how a girl looked. Esther was looking SEXY and no other word fits the bill. She has created many fans (& lovers) of hers in the campus, guys who were shocked to see her like this.
An incident to quote- ‘A guy asked to another standing next to him- “Who’s she?” The answer came- “Esther, you fool. You meet her every day”’. Someone also asked whether she was a pro.
Coming back to earlier point, I would apologise to Esther for putting this pic. It does no justice to what we saw but still I had no other choice. Also to other friends of mine in the team: ‘You were all good but my pen is for this girl only’. I can not believe that make-up and stage light can change someone this much. The only explanation is that she had that potential- latent but existing. Only we could never see it because maybe we see her every day. Maybe we are too close to her and also we all are hyperopic.
Love you girl…
Religions are my favourite topics. There are so many of them- Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, Sikhism, Buddhism, Jainism and many more. These examples are not by choice or favouritism I may say. These I remember because I have friends with these religions. So please don’t get offended if your religion got missed [;)].
OK! Back to topic. Religions are total bollywood masala movies; their history has bloodshed, romance, sex, hatred and ya a love/peace message too. They have a hero who is almost worshipped for his good qualities, a villain or a group of punks whom this hero defeated and brought peace to this world. Where would we be if this hero was not present!!!
And then their are some new thinkers in the world who say that each religion actually is same thing: ‘path to God’. This is my assumption for today’s post. Can’t help calling it an assumption, am a science student! [;)]. If all religion are path to God then let us define what kind of road this path is. What I mean is that I will compare them with highways and we’ll find out what this highway offers us..
Lemme start with the last eg. first.
Jainism
I have had a few friends with this religion. First and foremost it is a tough religion. It is difficult to follow and my friends actually didn’t follow it properly. Comparing it with highway is actually wrong. It is more of a rope on which you have to walk. A slight mistake and you fall. The good thing is that the net is below so you are not going to die.
Buddhism
This is a better road than Jainism. It is a thin lane with good flat road. You will have a smooth journey but only on a cycle. Any vehicle bigger than that and… In other words it has more flexibility than Jainism but still you have your limitations.
Sikhism
Finally we are on a highway. A good road to travel on, enjoyable journey, nice places to stop in between. All in all a very good experience and that you find when you meet a sardar. Happy, cheerful people with fun to be around. So… the catch is that the baggage is too much to carry. The five K’s that have to be carried, not that I mind after all I am a K as well. [:)]
Christianity
You are all set to start your journey when an old man tells you- “Sorry mate, your ancestor did some error you are at wrong starting place”. Whole humanity is suffering due to one man’s sins. All you can say is- “Fuck”. But then you start your journey. There are some motels in between, a few dhabas attracting you. You are tired and decide to take a halt. Then again the old man’s voice is heard whom you now recognise by a wierd name-‘POPE’. You think why would someone name their child pope. Nevertheless the pope tells you- “You can go to the motel but your vehicle will be taken back to starting place.” Again- “Fuck”. Mind you but sex is sin in Christianity so please do not abuse by it also.[;)]
Islam
Umm.. Wait..
Tick-tock.. Tick-tock..
I am back. Just was writing my will. I have given everything to my mum, pa and sis. So now I can freely write. OK…
Great path. You have been given a map by God himself and he marked the whole path. What do you want more? This is shown by that Islam is fastest growing religion. You can take rest at the motel too.. have a snack at the dhaba. Can not go to the bar but its OK if you have the map, isn’t it? Best offer till now..
Now, the fine print.
You can go to the motel but only thrice and that too for half an hour each time. You can go to dhaba but you will have to order this, this and this only. You can travel at 50 kmph only and per day you have to take two stops for drinking water and going su-su. And dare you deviate from the map..
Hinduism
Ahh.. my very own religion. It is my favourite religion and I do not follow it as well. I am agnostic but it is my blue (see earlier post- Colours). It is what gives this post its name. It is like an 8 lane road where you can go according to your speed. Many motels, dhabas, bars. Go enjoy yourself and come back filled. Till you are committed to follow this path you can enjoy all the benefits this path offers. Sounds exciting isn't it? Well, it is. So what’s fishy?
Uhh.. they have given us 8 lanes but they forgot to make the road. The way is very bad. Speed-breakers, potholes everything is present. Every once in a while a person will come showing you his middle finger and saying his vehicle (read caste) is better than yours. You can do nothing about it though now functions are being done for equality.
I would openly accept that this post was from a Hindu and not an agnostic. But you know what, I sincerely believe that Hinduism is more easy to follow and a happy religion in comparison to others. Though as I said in ‘Colours’, its a personal choice.
Ya he has won The Oscars and he is a big thing now. Well, he was a big thing always. Be it ‘lakdi ki kaathi’ in Masoom or ‘kajra re’ in Bunty aur Babli. I have been a fan of Gulzar ever since I got interested in poetry. He has written many songs, pieces of poetry and prose. He created a style of poetry- ‘triveni’, a triplet instead of couplet. A man of many talents.
But this post is not about Gulzar saab’s works but his work. His single piece of poetry which is in his album- ‘Udaas Paani’. A mesmerising way of saying a very deep thought..
Main chhaanv-chhaanv chala tha apna badan bacha kar
Ki rooh ko ek khubsurat sa jism de doon
Na koi silvat na daag koi
Na dhoop jhulse na chot khaye
Na zakhm chhuye na dard pahunche
Bas ek kori kunwari subah ka jism pehna dun rooh ko main
Magar tapi jab dopehar dardon ki
Dard ki dhoop se jo guzra
To rooh ko chaanv mil gayi hai.
Ajeeb hai dard aur taskeen ka saanjha rishta
Milegi chhaanv
To bas kahin dhoop mein milegi.
I ain’t gonna explain it. It explains itself to every person as he wants to understand it. One of my favourites.
28-Feb
Depression is something I feel a few times. Its strange that I do not remember that how do I cope with it. May be I accept it and move on. May be I come back with a vengeance; rise like a phoenix. May be I loose my confidence. May be its all three. A step process. If that’s the case then I am at- lost my confidence. Hopefully I will move on & then I will come back. Right now I am a proper mess.
Does crying help?
Out loud, like a baby.
2-Mar
The condition has changed, remarkably. I have accepted it and am moving on. In a few days hopefully I will recover from it and my body will be able to create immunity to this problem. Next time I will not get depressed and loose my confidence. Its all I have and its all needed to be successful.
