Confessions…

They are ugly, they are beautiful, they get you captured, they liberate you. Dasvidaniya- one of my current favourite movies is all about confessions. Confessing that your life sucks. Confessing that you love someone or rather loved someone since ever. Confessing that death is scary.

 

Well, I am not dying or anything. At least as far as I know I have no incurable disease. In fact, no disease at all. Yesterday, I along with my poly friends were coming from Lucknow. We had went to CIPET-Central Institute for Plastic Engineering and Technology. Coming back we got divided into two groups because of tickets booked in S1 and S3. So, of the 13 me along with Rajeev, Apoorv, Umar, Lokesh, Anuja, Shilpi and Dingse were together. We were up all night and chatted about what not. From theology to general philosophy to music to movies, everything.

 

There can be several posts on what we talked about (and there will be). This is about a particular topic. Crush. We were supposed to confess our crushes. I am not very cautious about telling my crushes but I was this time and I cleverly told about my one crush in a fashion that no one asked me a second one. Till then, I was sure that no telling about other(s). Then another moment came, I had to speak. I had a moment’s time to decide whether to side with truth or lie. I asked my heart, my gut, my impulse, my inner-self I don’t know what but the only answer was that it was time for confessions. I stumbled in my speech, took a deep breath and well, shocked everyone. But I realized something, confessions help. I am feeling liberated and though maybe these confessions may give others problems, confusions, anger or anything else which I don’t know, I shall say that this feeling was worth that. And yes, I am selfish enough to want to get this feeling.

 

Obviously, my first reaction should be to find the result of my confessions and it is. But somehow this feeling of freeness, lightness is so good that the result can wait… for later.

Colours

Religions are like colours. You might have a favourite colour, for reasons like blue is calm, green is soothing, white is peaceful and so on… But it does not mean that any one colour is better than other. You can have any one favourite colour but saying that blue is better than green, black is better than white is not only vague but also weird. What actually might be happening is that people try to justify their choice to others and as most people when start loosing a debate like this or when they are not confident enough become absolute and adamant about their choice. Then we can hear words like ‘Black is the best colour in the world… There is no colour better than Burgundy… How can you not like Pink???’

 

You can even do this experiment yourself. Catch any man having confident as huge as a nut and ask his favourite colour. Then slowly build an argument that it is not a good colour. Either that guy will agree with you or his final statement will be- “My colour is the best colour in the world.Period.”

 

Same is with religions. They are a way to live or for the theists a path to reach God. It is a matter of choice the path a person chooses, a way of life he is accustomed to. Some are non-vegetarian, some vegetarian (and I am talking about people who do this by choice not due to religion). Some are Hindu, some Islamic, others Christian, Sikhs and others.. This does not make one better or worse than other.

 

But it is just my stupid thought. Leaders of the world please do not be bothered by me. Lot of people are out there waiting to be convinced and a lot more to be killed. Be at your work while petty people like me sit idling away at home and letting others live.

In a moment

In a moment which my heart denies.

In a moment for which my heart cries.

In a moment when you left me.

In a moment when my heart died.

 

Pain I feel all over I see.

My body, my heart, my soul,

My mind even is crying mellow.

In a moment, about pain I know.

 

Wish I knew the reason then.

Wish I knew what to do.

Panic is all I remember.

In a moment, forever to remember.

 

But I had no time to grieve.

No time I had to weep.

You went away, became my past.

In a moment, that moment passed.

Sick..

It is not figurative if I might start with. I am not feeling well.. Head’s going nuts, fever feels jovial and pain is flowing instead of blood for a change.

 

When I woke up today I knew something was fishy (besides the smell of the paper mill). 12 hrs of straight sleep and yet I felt crap. No wait!! Lemme use another word for crap. umm… lousy would be a more appropriate word. So, I felt lousy and didn’t took lunch (breakfast was off the to-do list long before I woke up). And the situation worsen.

 

21:00

And now I am writing this irritated by each and everything and everyone. I am writing this with frustrated mind and killing/dying attitude. [;)] Can’t help dramatizing it. Why did it happen I thought over a long time? May be I had eaten something I shouldn’t have. Who knows? Who cares?

 

Hopefully I will be OK by next week. No hopes seem for this week unfortunately…

Random

Writing this at random. Why? Because random is good. It makes one realize that not everything is certain. Sometimes life do give us a few hiccups.

KNUBDRASSNALV

You might be wondering what is KNUBDRASSNALV (nub-dras-nalv). Well, I do not know what it is because it actually should not mean anything. It is the birth-child of my ingenious and brilliant mind (Laughs). I have given it a meaning and a origin too. The meaning of this word… no, first let me tell you its origin.

 

It is Dwarvish. The language used by JRR Tolkien and Christopher Paolini in their respective books. Why Dwarvish? Because it feels so; my sixth sense or something I guess. It means a person with extensive knowledge of chemicals with huge molecules. Example can be like bark of tree is made of cellulose-a polymer.

 

How the word came into existence is that it has the initial alphabet of all our names i.e. the names of me and my 12 batch mates. In order  of the word-

K – Kunal(me)

N – Nihal

U – Umar

B – Brijesh

D – Dingse

R - Rajeev

A – Anuja

S – Sameer

S – Shilpi

N – Nakul

A – Apoorv

L – Lokesh

V – Vikas

So please if you see anyone studying polymer or a maestro in it call him Knubdrassnalv. Tell him its Dwarvish ;).