Ek chaand to khuda ne mujhe de diya
Ab aage aur main kya maangu
Phir bhi dua hai ki vo ek lamha
Jis lamhe mein,
Vo kajrari nigahein meri aankhon se takrayi
Kabhi yaad se mit na paaye
Agar ho kabhi yun bhi
Hum alag-alag ho jaayein
Humrahi jo bane the us safar mein
Vo pal, har pal tumhe sataye
Kabhi khushi to kabhi aansu ban ke jee jaaye
Jab bhi baitho kisi ke paas tum
Yaad tumhe vo safar aaye
Aur tanha jo reh jao kabhi,
Vo lamha, tumhara saathi ban jaaye..
Take a deep breath
Close your eyes
What do you see?
No sweetheart,
Besides me, what do you see?
Yeah, I know
It was filmy, it still is.
I ain’t gonna change it too
Celluloid is perfect.
Why you ask?
Silly girl,
Because you are perfect.
For once I am saying this
For once you can hear.
I long for you,
When you are not near.
Enough emotions have already spilled I daresay
So, honey
Open your eyes
And wipe out that tiny year.
Love is risky, love is blind.
Infact, it is of Chinese bind.
No guarantee it has but trust
Nothing gives more happiness than love.
Dabi dabi saanson mein suna tha maine
Bole bina mera naam aaya.
Palkein jhuki aurr uthne lagi to
Haule se uska salaam aaya..
Wizard. There is no other word for him.
After the last poem, Mohit had the enlightenment of remembrance of a poem about a guy who is desperate for sex but the poem does not uses the words and all. The feeling should come out but not the translation. Some thing like that. So, this poem I wrote after this.
Alright, Its fine
Things happen that can’t be changed
Don’t look back, its no use
Ya, I know, I know you are right
But…
No buts can bring the moment back
No ifs can change the future anymore
You have experienced it all
Now, let it go.
Who are you to tell me that!
How can you say that?
Every breath, every goose bump
Every drop of sweat
How can I forget this?
Why will I not want it back?
Time will come, I assure you
Just have patience
No, not this tile
I have waited much
I have waited long
Listened to my brain
I have had enough
I want the moments back
I want the impulse back.
This is the second part of the story. So, where were we? Ah! I remember now. Sneha was appalled by the poem and asked me to write something umm.. sweet. About nature and all. Here goes nothing.
Looking at the sun once again
From the lovely oaks
Feeling the sense of warmth
The peace of my mind
Like melted wax and honey
Mixing and covering me
Saving me from the darkness
Saving me from the world
Rays giving me hope,
Hope unbounded.
I can do anything I want
A bee buzzes this in my head
Smile flickers on my lips
Mixed with contentment on face
The God is filling my heart with joy
Through that shiny, twinkly and little
Ray of light.
These poems were written in a train while going to Delhi. Every poem was written with a strange background. This is the first one. It was the one that came from the heart. And it made Sneha (a junior of mine) to freak out. For some reason she always freak out in my presence, dunno why!! Funny. Anyways, this is the poem.
Looking behind once more
For those soulful eyes
Looking again, searching
For piece of my heart
You have had the liberty
The right to take a decision
I have been at the mercy
Of your heartless discretion
But
Times do change, tides move
Emotions of mine have drained
I want my heart back
I want tears in those eyes
A monster you have created
This monster will strike back
You can hide, you can run
In fact,
You should hide, you should run
This shall show my potent
My hatred it will exhibit
My craziness it shall testify
Save yourself from the demon
The demon you bred.
What I am writing today might not make any sense to anyone. Heck! It’s not making any sense to me also. But I have to write it because writing is my way of letting things get out of my system. Speech is my way of getting the poison brewing in me to others. :)
It is but, written for one person. Ironically though, I do not know whether that person reads my blog or not. Also, whether it will be understandable even after reading or not to that person as well. In fact it might be better if it is incomprehensible. Who knows!! Sometimes it is better to put some questions out in the cosmic universe and not expect the answers. Yeah, that is what I am doing. Writing crap that I do not expect anyone will understand and then hoping that it shall still be understood. That too, by not all but one person. The beauty is that there are so many people that might mistake that it is this person or that person. (I have had an interesting life, met a lot of people who have had various weird impacts on my life). So, God knows who will understand what!
I am a great debater you know. I became so good by arguing continuously with myself. When arguing with myself I sometimes win and sometimes loose. Let us name the two me as K1 an K2. So, it is almost an even battle most of the time. Every time a topic hits my mind K1 and K2 start arguing. Finally, when the result is reached I am content and satisfied.
Now, the problem.
A particular debate is going on between K1 and K2 and it is not getting resolved. I mean it is like K1 wins every time and then K2 bullies K1 to do its bidding. Then K1 gets strong again and the argument start. This has happened twice before and is now happening again. This third time though I want a result. I want some answer. That is why I am writing this. May be by looking at it from outside I will be able to see something that has been missing.
Has it ever happened to you guys. I know it is a bit vague and weird but the feeling is quite plain I must say.
As for the answer, If I do not get any answer I will do what ma said to me to do. It seems a bit painful but as it is said- “Mama knows best.”
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Isn’t it an impressive quote? But in today’s world how many of us actually believe in this?
Rahat ki saans lete rahe
Chand aakhri saanse jo hain.
Ab ye jism bhi thak raha hai.
Dhadakte-dhadakte dil bhi ab ruk raha hai.
Aadat si ho gayi hai jeene ki
Ab chhodi bhi nahi jaati
Reh gayi hain jo chand saanse
Ab mujhse li bhi nahi jaati.
Aankein bhi band, khwab hi dekhti hain
Khulte hi saamne,
Mare chehron ki baadh nazar aati hai
Sunayi deti nahi ab,
Masjid ki azaan.
Mandir ki ghantiyan,
Na koi ummeed ki aawaz.
Chakhne ko milti hain ab
Kadvi davaiyan.
Reh gayi hain ab bas,
Yaadon ki angraiyan.
Jaane ka waqt aa gaya hai
Par rokte hain chaahne waale.
Unhe bhi shayad
Meri aadat si pad gayi hai.
Aadat hi hogi..
There are love-letters, there are hate-letters. Then there are rejection letters and breakup letters. One can accept another person’s love via a letter too. Letters- lovely little chumps. Of course I am including here both snail-mail and email. I see no difference other than the speed.
What do you write in a letter at the bottom? “Yours forever” if you are in deep love, I guess. “Miss you”, if you are missing or the ultimate one “Love you”. :)
Now, the question is “How much do you mean them?” I had seen people who write this crap and do not mean such things. But the mirror got crashed somehow so I don’t see nowadays. ^_^
On a serious note, why do people write this when they don’t mean this. Why do they lie through their teeth so blatantly and bluntly?
Is it because they really mean it?
I don’t think so. I mean who can be so foolish in this world to think that a relationship can last a year, let alone a forever. Can you imagine a guy writing “yours forever” while thinking- “Damn, I am going to make it last.” Yeah, sounds foolish to me too. Surely no guy in his right mind will think that he can make it last. C’mon dude, the girl needs a break too. For how long will she handle you? Just look at yourself and you will get the answer. So, lets throw the real, emotional guy out of the window.
The second option is general courtesy. But sure you don’t need that with the one you love, do you? Maybe courtesy is something that we all need at some point of time with even those who are closest to us. But then it goes against everything based on truth as it is a lie, like all general courtesy.
The third is that the guy is a jerk really and is lying. Period. No arguments here frankly.
Whatever be the reason the truth is that in any case the “yours forever” is such an obsolete term that it should not be used at any cost. There is no forever, ever. It is our misunderstanding this one simple fact that forces us to make this grave mistake of using “yours forever” so easily..
Kahaniyon ki bhi ajeeb aadat hai
Banti, bigarti aage badhti hain
Kabhi dheeme aur kabhi hawa se tez chalti hain
Tum bhi hissa ho
Meri kahaniyon ka
Kabhi dekhogi tum nasheb-o-faraz* * Ups and downs
Kabhi hoga tumhe lams-e-jazbat* *Touch of Emotions
Tumhare khushk gaalon ki bhi
Pyas ashk bujhayenge
Gham aur khushi dono hi mein
Palkon pe nazar aayenge
Meri kahani ke safhon* pe * Pages
Tumhare kayi rang nazar aayenge.
Zindagi ek kahani hi to hai.
I do not know whether I am breaking any rule in writing this but what the hell.. Kaifi ji will appreciate that young people are also reading him and propagating it. I am re-starting my blog with this. The reason is simple. This gazal will make people think. They will try to figure out who it is and what is going on with me. Some how I am always intrigued by this. They will ask me questions and I will enjoy this. So here goes nothing.
Bas ek jhijhak hai yahi haal-e-dil sunane mein
Ki tera zikr bhi aayega is fasane mein.
Baras padi thi jo rukh se nakab uthane mein
Vo chandni hai abhi tak garibkhane mein.
Usi mein ishq ki kismat badal bhi sakti thi
Jo waqt beet gaya mujhko aazmane mein.
Ye keh ke toot gaya shaakhe-gul se aakhri phool
Ab aur der hai kitni bahar aane mein..
28 Feb, 2006 – 19 Jul, 2009
Draco is no more.
I know that no one among you might know him, still, it is my earnest request that you may please pray for his peace. He was the greatest pet one could have and the most amazing friend one could deserve.
I have once wrote an article about him and am linking it here.
http://www.kunal-prakash.com/2009/03/am-i-not-dog-enough.html
It is the longest night of my life. I do not know when (if) I shall write again on this blog. All those who read it, thanks, and please pray for Draco’s peace. I hope he gets as much happiness, in fact more, as pain he suffered in his last days.
Love you Draco,
Kunal.
You all must have noticed that I have not updated this blog for quite sometime. The lag between two posts is also increasing considerably. To be honest I am not writing anything. My mind is silent for some time and is giving me nothing to propagate further.
Hence, I have decided to stop updating this blog with trivials and instead I am leaving this blog unattended for about 10 days or so. Hopefully, my zeal for writing will come back in this time and a few new ideas may come (or maybe I’ll learn a few tricks from other blogs. [;)] ).
So, till then..
Love,
Kunal.
This is my hundredth post. :)
Honestly, when I started this blog I never thought that I will reach till here. I have a tendency to start a thing and then just fail to complete it. And though I am confessing this in writing don’t even dare to say this to my face. :|
I was pleased to see my 100th on board and hopefully this shall continue. I started off pretty slowly and at that pace would have never reached fifty this year but slowly the blogging speed increased and now I write almost 3-4 in a week. Once the speed even reached to two posts a day.
These random musings of mine are so very precious to me that the thought of them lost seem very ill to me. And I hope this will never happen to me. Of course Google hopefully shall not go down along with my blog. ;)
Now this might seem a bit awkward and odd to anyone who hears it but I have to write it.
What if you cook food for someone and that person rejects the food. What should you do? Wait till the person wants to eat the food. (Obviously assuming that the food is not getting stale).
Or should it be given to someone who needs it and/or appreciates it?
Now, this food analogy I want to apply on Love. If you love someone and that someone rejects your love then, should you wait for the love to come back. Yes, hell Ya! I know. So what time do you think is enough? One year, two year, a decade or a lifetime. :) Why am I seeing some people sweating. What?
Oh! You thought I was talking about days or weeks. Sorry to let you down guys.
I was thinking over it and just came to conclusion that there should be a point where one should know to quit. If you do not know a lost cause when you see one you are in for loss and nothing else. Anyways I believe that most people know when the relationship ended but just blindfold themselves. Like the entrepreneurs who see their company going down and yet they keep putting their money in it until they bankrupt themselves.
So keeping it analogous to my food phenomenon if I love someone but that person rejects my love (whatever be the reason) then what I should do? Try again, yes, obviously. But if I know it is an impossibility then..? Should I still love the person who doesn’t need my love and maybe has no respect for it too? Or should I find a person who will appreciate this love and maybe even reciprocate the feelings?
I for one believe that one can fall in love more than once and thus I believe that we should fall in love again; someone who needs that love, someone who love me back and with whom my life is filled with happiness.
By the way, I associate love with happiness too. If you are not happy in a relationship then that love is not a positive one.
Therefore my say on my own query shall be that I think the love too like food should be distributed to people who respond to it.
One more analogy coming in my mind. If you have a child and the child dies. Your heart is broken and you are lost. So should you go into your cocoon and sit there crying and loving the child no more in this world.
I know what I would do. I will adopt a child who needs a parent and nourish the child to great success. I may not be able to love the child like my own but it will still be more than he/she ever got and a life will be made in the process.
OK! All people looking at me furiously for my vague and odd analogies I am going to end this post just with this. Think what your love is. Is it a gift which can make someone happy or is it your lawn where – “Trespassers will be prosecuted”?
Any one who has been reading my blog knows my limits. I have written on love, death, sex and a bit crap. And yes about me. My fascination for poetry is also not unknown. I like to read poetry and writing them is also my hobby. A topic which never found place in this blog of mine is politics and the simplest reason for this is that my interest in politics is minimal. I am not much intrigued by politics and do not even know who won from my constituency (and I am not talking about person but party.. )
Recently though I read a blog on the same and I was left flabbergasted. It was in praise for BJP. And I have been against BJP. Don’t look at me like that. I might not have interest in politics but that doesn’t mean I can not have a favorite party. I like Congress and the reason well, is nothing beside that they are not caste particular or religion particular. The same is the reason for my dislike for BJP. Anyways, so I read this blog and realized that some one is lobbying for a party I dislike. So, it automatically turned on my defense mechanism and I wanted to abuse and praise Congress in the comments. But I stopped. Why?
Because it is not the right thing. It will be just venting out my anger and that too in a manner where no one will bother to listen. So I have decided to give politics a place or rather a permanent spot in my blog. If someone is lobbying for BJP then someone ought to be lobbying for sanity and peace and equality as well. ;)
Hence, from now on you might see a few posts on politics.
Chow…
PS- This is the first time the tag politics came to my blog. Cheers..
Here I am.
Before you, as before.
Love me again as you have loved me.
Please oh! please touch me again.
We are no more,
The moon and the stars.
The sun and the fire.
No more does my heart says ‘I love you’.
But once again I need you.
But once again I want you.
Please oh! please touch me again.
This is lust you may say.
May be my fruitless attempt,
To have you back.
No, its not I tell you.
I need you not with me.
We are through and gone.
You were my boyfriend once someday.
But the day is gone, the moment over.
You are my past and no more I say.
Nothing should give anything away.
Touch me again though,
And
Then forget my stay.
A thought just struck me.
We all die. It is such a common phenomenon that no one ever questions it. As we were born we shall die. It is the only reality; the bottom-line. But what happens after we die. What happens? Do we just vanish? Is there a soul? Is there God?
Just imagine the toiling one does in this world. Since birth all we do is learn, for survival. Be it walking, dancing, learning science, going school or clearing JEE. Every action is just a manifestation of the underlying current which points towards survival in this world which even after so much humanization is nevertheless, still cruel. We need big bucks to live better. I would not use happy as it is a state of mind. But the truth remains the same anyhow. We may not be animals but the rules still are the same. The act has sophisticated itself, that’s all.
I am however straying from my point. The point is that even after doing all this we die. Period.
A housefly has a life of about 2 days. All it does is find food and then a place to lay eggs and then die peacefully. Why peacefully? Because it shall live even after its death in the larvae that will take birth. This was its aim in this world and it completed it successfully. A fly has the bliss of ignorance, we humans unfortunately do not have this luxury. We know that our children are so different from others that we can not call that surviving exactly. (Though the idea is so awesome that I definitely will have a child of my own sperms. My only ticket to survival.)
Anyways what I mean is that we will eventually die and maybe our work will be appreciated afterwards. All good and bad things will be said about us but they do not matter now, do they? I am not a great believer of God. Agnostic by definition and close to atheist practically. So according to me after this heart stops its all over. Finish. The End. Good bye. Sayo-nara. Whatever you want to say. And this scares me. It scares the hell out of me. Because it means that I am a waste. I read about making a difference and changing myself so that people remember me but even when all these lovely words are flowing in my ears I can hear a murmur. This murmur today I realized were three words which my mind played continuously in the back. “You die anyway.”
Sorry for being dramatic but WE DIE ANYWAY!! And what after that. Nothing. Blank. Every happiness, sorrow, jealousy, hate, love is a blur. A useless stroke of hormones mingling in a chemical reaction which comes in a bottle with an expiry date.
If though there is a heaven then I might live, maybe in after-life but still in some form. Even hell seems a better option than oblivion. There is a sentence in ‘Harry Potter’ said by ‘Dumbledore’. “Outright hatred is better than complete ignorance.” Similarly hell seems a better option than no existence at all.
I never thought I would say this but the romantic thought of the existence of a God or maybe multiple Gods is much more pleasing to me than the absence of one. I may call myself atheist, agnostic or by any other name, the truth though is that I am actually hoping for a God because it is only by the survival of this God do I survive death.
MEMORANDUM
TO: All Employees
RE: Training for Success
================================================
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (SHIT.). We are trying to give employees more SHIT than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive you share of SHIT on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the SHIT list, our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the SHIT you can handle.
Employees who don't take their SHIT will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (DEEP SHIT). Those who fail to take DEEP SHIT seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (EAT SHIT). Since our managers took SHIT before they were promoted, they don't have to do SHIT anymore, and are all full of SHIT already.
If you are already full of SHIT, you may be interested in job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (BULL SHIT).
Those who are full of BULL SHIT will get the SHIT jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (DIP SHIT).
If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (HOT SHIT).
Thank you,
Boss In General, Special High Intensity Training (BIG SHIT)
P.S. With the personality some of you display around here, you could easily become the Director of Intensity Programs (DIP SHIT)
P.P.S. For those that have maxed-out on their SHIT training and clawed their way to the top of the SHIT heap, please see the company Memorandum regarding retirement options.
Girls are like
apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for
the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
just get the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples
at the top think something is wrong with
them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right
boy to come along, the one
who's brave enough
to climb
all the way
to the top
of the tree.
borrowed from megan
Hi everyone..
I want to be serious today. But it is not done. A part of me wants to be funny. And obviously who among you want to hear something serious. Life is too serious as it is without me forcing my own misery down your throat.
So am forced to write something funny. Hmm.. So what should I write? Maybe a weird thought like the ones I usually have. Or maybe try my hand at funny poetry.
So funny poetry first..
Mirror mirror on the wall.
Who is the hunk, tell all.
Yes my master I shall speak.
Though let me tell you your chances are bleak.
It must be the guy from the bar.
For whom your wife left you at the altar.
Smash.. Crash..
Sorry for that people. I will get someone to pick up the shards.
Ahem.. So where were we. Something funny like… umm.. a quote maybe.
Working in a big organization is like wearing a condom during sex. It gives a feeling of faith, recognition and security while getting fucked.
Sorry sorry.. Its true. Oh! but truth can be funny too. Don’t bother.
Still not having a smile on your face. Let me see, lemme see.
Tell me what is the definition of a Boss in modern management? This question is especially for my beloved friends who were with me learning business management.
Ah.. the answer is..
Boss is a person who thinks that nine women together can produce a child in one month.
Ha Ha Ha.. :P
Now I have told you a funny poem and a quote and a funny question too. What should be next? A story. No, it will be too long. An incident; naa, too boring. So what should it be..
Eureka..
A picture is worth a thousand words.
^_^
Peace…
ek nazar jo utha ke dekha
har taraf ek hi aks nazar aaya
kuchh waqt hi yun ho gaya tha
us amavas ki raat mein
ek chaand mujhko nazar aaya.
ye bhi baat ajeeb lagti hai
ki koi yaad itni taaza ho zehen mein.
sach-jhooth ki parvah hi kyon karun
jab hai tu mere paas
us amavas ke lams mein.
milo kabhi phir to batana
koi lamha mera jo tumhare paas tha.
lafz mere jo tumne sune honge.
pooranmasi ke chaand par batana
aaj amavas ka chaand tha.
boondein kuchh paani ki
aankhein bhigane lagi hain.
nalayak hain saari ki saari.
amavas ka andhera aur sannatta dekhkar
teri yaad mein gaane lagi hain.
This is a play –comedy- by William Shakespeare. But whosoever has read this blog knows one thing about me. It is not about this play.
Have you ever fallen in love? Do you know what love is? Can love be lost?
These questions are in my mind right now. I do not know the answer to all but the first one is a yes. And third seems yes now. I was thinking over what life gives us and what we make of it. I was thinking how much we care about others and how our decisions are made of their feelings and decisions. Then I thought about LOVE some more.
If you love someone like anything.
You are in love.
What is true love? Is loving someone even when the feeling is not reciprocated true love? So, anyone who moves on never loved, eh? And every widow that married again was what- a whore? (Sorry for my language.. It is seemingly getting from bad to worse. Time to go home and improve my vocabulary. )
Anyways as I was saying, every woman or man who married after a divorce or because the spouse ..uh left hasn’t loved.
It seems ninety-nine percent of people never fall in love at all. :)
Now let me see it through a different glass.
Maybe I am seeing it from a wrong perspective. True love necessary doesn’t mean you can’t marry someone else. But our society seems to be clinging to the fact that a Love where one of the two pines away for other is the best kind of love. Giving yourself pain for the sake of other is true love indeed. What greater sacrifice than yourself?
I do not believe that, obviously. I have always been an advocate of reciprocation. If the feeling is not reciprocated then it is wasting yourself on someone who doesn’t worth you. Being with someone who doesn’t worth you is well lets just say bad. (I am really having a bad vocabulary day).
Do I know love? No, I don’t. I have felt it but anyone who tries to describe it in words is wasting his or her time like millions before them and billions after them. And to try to explain it with adamancy that this and only this is true love is even more idiocy. Its like saying that my religion is the best religion in the world. Or my toffee is the sweetest in the world. All are nothing but false claims and every one of the person saying is just an adamant child. Love and God are too huge things to sum up in two lines or three religions. The child with the toffee on the other hand might actually win his claim.
This is what I thought about love. It is how you feel for a person. It is not what your action is that defines LOVE. It is how you feel. The action taken by us are manifestation of our sick and crooked mind. It might be what Devdas did, or what Prithviraj Chavhan did or what you or me do.
This is what I thought about love, basically.
Now about the first question and third question. First I have already said yes and meaning I have felt love. Obviously, my poems show this a bit; after all they are my reflection.
The third question is a bit complicated you know. I always had the feeling that love once created always live in the heart.The feelings you had for someone are always different from what you do about those feelings. But the feeling is there.
In essence I thought that Love can never be lost but this feeling is slowly changing. I was talking to my friend and as my friend tried to convince me that love once is love forever and I had had my chance, I began to realize something else. Life is dynamic. It is we who cling to memories and forget to live. OK, the exact thing I was thinking was that “I am hungry” and “How do I make my friend understand?”. Then I realized that it is me who has to understand the difference between love and action. As I said earlier, our mind changes the interpretation of the same feeling of love. And as I am understanding it more, the craving is getting sub-due.
What I was thinking was whether it is the feeling of love that is dying or just the craving? I can’t seem to find the difference.
I would like to end this with a poem of Kaifi Azmi-
Talatum, Valvale, Haijan, Armaan
Sab uske saath rukhsat ho chuke the.
Yakeen tha, ab na hasna hai na rona.
Kuchh itna hans chuke the ro chuke the.
Kisi ne aaj ek angrai lekar.
Nazar mein reshmi girehein laga din.
Talatum, Valvale, Haijan, Armaan
Vahi chingariyan phir muskura din.
Talatum- Tsunami
Valvale- Earthquake
Haijan- Excitement
Ek lamha uthao.
Alfazon ka ek meetha sa wrapper chadhao.
Aur kar do havale duniya ke.
Dekhte hain kitno ko samajh aaya.
Vo dard jo bhara hai andar.
Taqleef aur kabiliyat ki jung hai.
Jung ke bina maza bhi kya aayega..
Somehow I like exams more than the usual days. Life seems more exciting than usual days. The stakes are higher than usual and the free time is more, to think and contemplate and relax. Also they generate an excitement and a flow of adrenaline; a thrill of danger for which you have to drive fast car or jump of the cliff. The heartbeat increases and tension flows through the body, sometimes covering the whole body in sweat (totally depends on the paper- this time physics can do this).
All people looking at me with awkward eyes, I know what you are thinking. Yeah, I am weird. :)
I love exams.
PS- I wrote this a long time back but due to internet gone could not publish it. Anyways, better late than never.
I have always heard this line whenever I read some article on self-improvement. And boy! Am I a fan of this line. Yes, we should always be ourselves and not try to imitate others. Yes! YES!
But today I suddenly look back and ask myself a question. Who am I? Haven’t I changed over the past years. If I have then why have I changed or how was I myself, if ‘I’ changes anyway? And if I try to become again the person I originally was, am I not imitating someone; the earlier me?
So, what does ‘be yourself’ mean? Does it mean that be what you are at that point of time unless you change? If it is so then I will make peace with it and love the statement again. Though one doubt lingers in my mind. What if you have a certain flaw you want to change? Would it be alright to show that flaw? I mean you already want to change this thing in you but a transformation takes time and until then should you hide this or show it? I believe hide it and try to be a bit less yourself.
I think this statement was given because it is easiest for people to carry themselves as obviously no acting is involved. Thus it exudes the most confidence by the person if he is himself. It is sort of a short cut to an appearance of confidence. Confidence which few have inherently, many acquire systematically and most search for their entire life.
Tears flowed,
A little moistening of the cheeks,
Followed.
Reminding all the truths.
Hidden that were
In the bottom if my heart.
Pain that I feel, sorrow that I felt.
It all came back to me.
I have lost a million times.
Why does it hurt now?
Burnt in love a few times.
Why does it hurt now?
All the memories coming back to me.
Like before death they do.
……………………………….
PS- After this my train of thoughts collapsed and this incomplete poem is left. Though somehow it feels complete, to me. Only, it can not justify the title.
Mumbai lost and that too with huge shame. 9 wickets is too huge unless its 50 runs. And RCB just destroyed MI bowling..
:’(
Tears in my eyes,
Are not coming. Thankfully..
They are back. This time fiercer, more violent and the toughest opponent I have ever faced. Why?
Because this time I am alone and unarmed. No Rajeev to guide me through the study (because he himself has not studied). I have not studied a single word so I am going to dogs anyway. Under this hugely depressing scenario I hear a voice inside me. Subtle yet bold. Influencing yet not oppressive. Caring and nurturing me this voice is of God telling me. “Psst.. Its Mumbai Indians vs Bangalore. Lets watch in the common room.”
And all the agony in me is drowned in the shouting of support for MI. They have made 149 and hopefully we will win.
Study has lost this battle against IPL and the exams are going to suffer. Hopefully my this worship will result in MI winning the IPL and Sachin holding the trophy.
Back to exams though, they are gonna stuff me like a duck and might even bake me like a turkey (now I am feeling hungry). But all I can see is the end of this tunnel and I see light. On 13th am going back home. Where I Rest In Peace. R.I.P.
Best of luck to all others for their exams.
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
-Mark Twain
PS- A few quotes that I like, a few quotes that I write. A few sentences which found me, a few words I find.
Of all the confusions that a person can have, the worst are the confusions of love. Because it involves emotions, hormones or maybe because the beating of heart overshadows the thumping of the brain. Whatever be the reason, all reasons are lost in the silence occurring between two souls separated by a sea of emotions which also is the cause of their attachment. When do you know its love? When do you know its love, enough, to last? Should this feeling be ignited or left dormant like a baby. Maybe like a baby, all this feeling would do after waking is cry and create a mess. Maybe its better off asleep, innocent, naive and beautiful.
Then comes the pang of pain, a lust, not for the body but for the relationship. You want to be happy with that person, only. It is a blinding flash temporarily killing your vision. You can not even see that the person you love is happy, already. Its not fair, I know. Its not fair, you know. And of all the times you have faced unfairness, this time, you want life to be fair, for you. All the happiness in you is drained. Obsession might be the right word. But you are called a ‘FANATIC’.
Every emotion I feel.
Every thought crossing my mind.
I filter,
To take out, you, of them.
Holding on to you.
Leaving all else aside. You my Love,
You my hate.
You my hurt, You my pain.
Happiness? Who needs it now.
A fragile thing at most,
It will lead me nowhere.
You are my anger, You my revenge.
Smile now never comes,
Only a mournful sneer,
Or a senile laugh.
You are my passion,
To justify all wrong, that I do.
To be evil to all,
And to you.
For you I shall kill, rob and hurt.
For you I shall cry, shout and die.
You, Yes You are my sole reason.
My survival, my end and in between,
I leave it on you.
Can you be mine, Oh! Please.
Mercy will be upon you.
With every waning moon that I see,
and every day as moon-light recede.
The devil in me is getting stronger.
Vile and loathsome though he may be,
It is but a tiny kid to thee.
Look into your heart, leaving your mind.
Look into my heart, trust me.
Else blame will be upon you,
You let a poor thing go rot.
You smiled when I cried,
Happy were you in my misery.
You are the reason for what I am.
You shall be the reason for future,
Dark, black, ugly.
Whatever it might be.
Dedicated to all the Fanatics.
If love is not an obsession then its not enough Love.
I have to see more pain you know..
Joy I have seen unbounded, untouched and unfathomed.
I have felt love and no other joy is above it.
Thus pain is now what I seek.
All my life I have seen
Around me,
Chants of pain, cries and tears.
None have but touched me.
Am I so inhuman. Or plain selfish.
Maybe its the shield,
Shield of love.
This bounty that I have.
In no less amount than infinity I must say.
Protects me from the pain without my knowledge.
But time has reached to feel the unknown.
Time to touch what the others feel.
Time to cry, cry in vain.
Having a life-altering pain.
Am asking for too much I know.
More than I can hold.
Life-altering hence it shall be.
Will face it with my bravest face,
That I promise.
So, what do you think?
Has my judgment day arrived?
Or do I have to wait more?
Forever I guess, for the pain I seek.
Give me the pain I plea.
At least half of what happiness I feel.
I feel a thief, you know,
Stolen others’ happiness I have,
Giving them my share of grief.
I want my share back.
I want my pain back.
PS- Today I looked back through the time tunnel and realized what my life has been. I have no regrets, no sorrows, no experience I would not like to have. I have a smile for which I take no credit. It is a gift, my family’s gift to me. I have never had a pain that could drown my happiness or change me. Thank you ma, papa and niks. Love you always, even when I am crazy.
Every moment that went past.
Asked me the same question again and again.
Why?
Why did not I..?
But I had no answer then.
I have no answer now.
Excuses.. yes, I have, plenty.
I have my reasons.
My decisions seem rational to all.
I seem rational to all.
Truth lies in me.
Plain, blatant and scorching.
Burning me like my personal hell.
Every smile that follows me.
Is on a humble bed.
Bed of grief unbound.
Floating over like an island,
Floating on lava all around.
Face the truth, all my self says.
But how do I face the truth?
How do I face the justice?
Questions like these in my mind,
Form a gigantic array.
Help me O! God, if thee exist.
Give me the moment which I want.
Give me the moment which I need.
I need to face the truth, I need to face her.
Blissed and blessed be the moment.
In which all my happiness lives.
For you, if you understand. I do not love you, I know but that can’t stop me from writing about you, for you. [;P]
Wait! Where are you going?
Huh! Dunno.
Tell me all and no lying.
Even my name sir, I do not know.
Kiddin’ me you brat.
No tis’ truth I tell thee.
Up to no good you are at.
Why do you say so, I plea?
ASKING ME! Instead of answering.
But who are you, I know not.
One moe q. & you will hear me swearing.
Sorry! Did I hear correct or not?
Correct you heard foolish boy.
I know nothing about anything.
Maybe he is true, Oh! Boy.
Yes, true is I say, everything.
Tell me then, all about you.
Nothing I know, except walking here.
This way you future will give no new.
You though as bright light have come hither.
Give me something to start with.
Someone called me a God yesterday.
“Hmm! And I thought it was a myth.”
And again this was repeated today.
You are God then I conceive.
Maybe, though, what it means?
I’ll tell you but will you believe?
Yes sir, I will, by all means.
You created the whole universe.
“What is the guy saying?”
The books are filled with your praise verse.
“This is too far-fetched bellowing.”
You trust me not I feel.
How do you think that?
I can see in you no zeal.
Pardon me, but listen to your chat.
Look inside you, answer you’ll find.
Oh! It alright, I feel fine.
Please do this before the world grinds.
OK! Let me try and do not pine.
“I have found the mighty.”
“What is this I feel in me?”
“The world now, happier place will be.”
“What is this divine, engulfing me?”
How do you feel now?
Son! I remember; remember all.
I have found God, holy cow!
Ha! Ha! Swearing in front of me, of all.
Sorry, please forgive this fault.
Apology is for mine to ask.
Swearing from now will halt.
And I shall finish my unfinished task.
This is a line from one of my favorite movies- Sleepless in Seattle.
Now, most of the people might not be able to understand the meaning of this statement. For those people I have only one thing I shall say- “Go and watch Sleepless in Seattle.For Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan and .. me.”
But for all the lazy house-elves who would not still see it, lemme describe the feel of this statement.
“A Bermuda Triangle.” is from Tom Hanks and it is having a sarcastic tone.
What I like about this statement is .. well.. that it is true.Many a time, when things fit, they are against you than being for.
For me it gives me a feeling, a feeling I get when I find that this time… again things are not going according to plan. (When they do actually go, anyways). This statement though gives me a confidence which is awkward I know but it does. It prepares me for everything that happens in my life. It is one of the reason of my love for uncertainty (OK, I may have gone a bit far) but bear with me.
You if are mentally prepared that things may not always conspire for you but maybe against you, this might give you a head start. Though I am not saying this in the least bit of pessimistic way mind you. I am too childish to be pessimistic.
Back to the line, it might give everyone a different meaning when the person hears in the movie. Some may not even notice the line. So let me just say one thing for this post;
This is my blog [:P].
Before you feel that I am going to give a lecture on anything let me tell you something, what I am telling you is plain truth. Tomorrow, as of on 23-04-09 is our viva of geophysics and physics. But I am absolutely in no mood to study. This on any other day would not be a big deal as Rajeev would force me to study or Sameer or Nihal would study so forcing a bit guilt in me. OK, they can not do that but still atmosphere is created.
Today is though a miraculous day. No one is in any mood to study. To hell with viva-voce, lets party. This is a new moment to relish and ponder over. I have already crossed that magical line where 10-15 marks do not matter. Ya, am not a fool yet who can ignore the exam but I sure can ignore a grade loss in a 2 credit subject.
Why this happened is too complicated to explain. It is not a superficial change but a change of self and I am not going to bore you with that. If one thing I learnt from reading ‘Monk who sold his Ferrari’ is that if you are not insanely successful never tell others philosophy of your life-transformation. They will get bored. Period.
So let me tell you a couplet of Kaifi Azmi to end this post.
Ek tum ki tum ko fiqr-e-nasheb-o-faraz hai.
Ek hum ki chal pade to beherhaal chal pade..
[One are you with tensions of ups and downs.
One am I to carry on anyway if started..]
fiqr- tension..nasheb-o-faraz- ups & downs
PS- I hope that my friends who want to study do study, but also I would like to pray that they do not feel unhappy about doing that. Life is too short to do anything we do not like. Especially when there are so many things to do which we like.
It’s a mistake I think.
Err.. Don’t get me wrong sir.
Am not accusing or doubting you.
Sure though there is some error.
I am human still, I feel.
O Death! Please come again.
Yes, I saw the sights.
The tunnel too was pretty bright.
Alas! Though now everything seems normal.
It seems like a hospital bed.
A bright tube dazzling my eyes.
Doctors and nurses glad.
Proud of their foolish achievement.
What do they know.
Its your callousness not their capability.
That brought this upon me.
Oh! Sir, I mean no disrespect.
Its just am frustrated.
Was so ready for this yes, I was.
Perfect the moment was.
For my sudden demise.
O Death! Please come again.
Now don’t give me that look.
You know as well as I.
‘What I am saying?’
You know my heart through and through.
I am bored, bored of being alive.
And then you give me dreams.
Dreams of the end.
No happiness, no sorrow.
No past or tomorrow.
The end was gentle to the core.
I had no need to be gentle anymore.
No pretence of being subtle.
No force of being loud.
No ego to push me down.
It was a dream come true.
I could love what I want.
I could love whom I want.
Hate would not have to be buried.
And now you say to me WHAT!!
It was a mistake!
Bloody hell it was.
Pardon me sir, for my language.
Now I want this mistake back.
I want my life back.
O Death! Please come again.
Mistake or with possible consideration.
Take me with you, again.
O Death! Please come again.
Meri zindagi meri manzilein, mujhe kurb mein nahi dur de.
Mujhe tu dikha wahi raasta, jo safar ke baad guroor de..
1. kurb- near
2. guroor- pride
[My life give me my destination, far away and not near.
Show me the path after which pride I do bear.]
It is a couplet I just found lurking in a book that I had not read for a long time. It is from ‘Tarkash’ by Javed Akhtar. It feels so true so near to my heart that I could not help but include it in my favorite couplets. It is actually a part of a gazal- excellent piece by Javed Akhtar.
Every one is only after the easy success. But really the truth is that if I have not worked hard enough for a success it doesn’t feel mine. A path of ease will always be despised by me over a path of hardships and a path which will give me pride. May be this is my ego, may be I am proud; whatever be the case, the truth is that a path of ease never gives happiness.
No happiness comes out of easy going, its the tough that creates true happiness. In the presence of great sorrows comes the real smile- after that small success you always wanted.
We all want everything. We all have unbound wishes that have the power to swim the whole universe through the mysterious ether, meet the God and then come back. We all see dreams through our eyes, open or close. These dreams, beautiful and alive, give us joy and reason to live another day as the day treads forward like… yesterday.
Many of us try to get what we want. We succeed, sometimes we fail. In fact even the most successful man in this world might not have a record of more than 60% success. What happens to the rest 40%? The failure. The unsuccess. The F-grade.
It is accepted, is named compromise and is lived with. All of us compromise in life. It is natural, so natural in fact that in nature it is called adapting. To the surrounding, to changes- good or bad. I am not writing this to vent out that compromises are bad and a sign of weakness or something like that. I do not believe that. In fact some compromises are so big that a person who has to compromise becomes a bigger man.
Then there are occasions when we have no option but to compromise. Like when death takes away the person we loved so much. Who’s fault is it? Mine, hers or God’s? Whom should we question? We can not ask this anyone but compromise. So is what everyone does. But this does not make us weak or something. In fact, here weakness will be to break-down.
Similarly, what if we love someone whom we propose and she rejects. Again, who is a bigger man? One who accepts the bitter truth, swallow the pill and looks ahead or one who is not able to accept this truth and try to force the girl to be with him.
These are all what I shall call ‘Good compromises’. They need to be done. They are painful, hurtful and one which I wish happen to nobody though knowing that these will happen to everybody at some point or the other.
If these are ‘good compromises’ then there ought to be the ‘bad’ ones as well. The world after all is made of symmetry, if nothing else.
To be honest I can only give you examples of the bad compromises. The boundary between the two is a thin one. No one can say when we slipped from one and into the other.
For example, not getting qualified for JEE one compromises with a regional college- a good compromise. After studying, doing an average job, hating it but making peace with it- a bad compromise. These was a pretty blunt example but the contrast can always be lessened. OK.. tell me this.. In the earlier example of a girl rejecting the boy. If you would have been in place of the boy, will you again ask the girl after sometime or accept this. I mean what is better- to compromise or to retry. Should the girl be bothered again?
Maybe she should. I mean what is the harm. So let me bring this in greyer area. What if this girl is proposed by another guy whom she says yes, but you know that he is not good for her? Dilemma huh..
Let me ask another question. What if you start liking your best friend’s ex-girlfriend? This isn’t cool, is it?
What if you and your brother or sister want something different but there can be only one thing in the house, whatever be the reason? Who should compromise? The answer to this question by generations of living is- the elder one should. This is a rule of thumb followed everywhere. But this is as questionable as any rule of thumb.
Anyways the point is that there are too many grey areas in the compromise business to say that one should compromise with something or not.
Now, you all must be thinking why I have written this whole essay. I do not have answer to this question but another question. How do you all decide when to compromise and when to well… go ahead and give it a second or third or fourth or.. and so on try?
Who tells you when to quit and compromise?
If I was allowed to tell you this.
One thought would be it.
That if all the breaths that I have taken
Without your name on it.
Are taken from me and are gone,
It will be a loss for the God to face.
So many breaths for him to hold.
So little value for me they hold.
If I was allowed a day.
With you, to be with.
To touch, to hug, to kiss.
And that’s it.
My last day on this earth.
Then be it this way.
No regrets I have, no grudges I hold.
God’s grace it is, to hold.
If I was allowed one wish to be granted.
You know it will be your happiness.
Be it with me or without..
Every picture I see of you.
Must have your smile.
My death if brings thee happiness.
Every poison in the world will I hold.
Your smile but, no prison shall hold.
[Earlier I had told my about my night-out and its drastic effects. Now, I was sitting giving an exam without knowing anything about the subject.]
The paper was given to me with a confident smile by Sulls; after all he had taken the revision class. The only thing was I did not study at all. My only savior could be the definitions taught to me by Brijesh and structure which I had asked him to draw on my table just before the exam.
Then started the battle between me and the paper, in which I had my pen and confidence and the paper had… well, questions.
Sitting at an awkward angle to hide the drawing under the paper itself, I started writing the paper and gave my imagination all the freedom that should not be given in a science exam. The exam thankfully got over and I well, instead of packing just roamed around with friends. Then a bit of good weather, a bit of more roaming and a minute of basketball (after that I tripped, made a fool of myself and hurt my leg.. it was fun).
After that I went to room, packed my bag and got ready to leave. The only thing was I had only 20 min. left. So I went with Aamir and reached the station with less than 2 min. left. And a few droplets of water made their presence felt on my face.
”Damn! It is gonna start raining now.”
But I had bigger worries. The announcement for train had not yet started so I thought of taking some money from ATM. I did not had any beside what I borrowed from friends. However, the ATM had -in one of my friends language- started acting gay (no offence to the gay community [;)] peace). So no money, honey.
So I ran back to the platform. Only hitch, the train had for the first.. nay second time in history decided to give me another platform, the tougher one. C’mon Kunal.. do some exercise, cross the bridge. Go to platform 6. So, I did this and then found my bogey at the same time as a fat and filled water drop found my cheek. And I started running towards the bogey (the train was still moving). I was in the train a little wet but overall in perfect condition.
------------------------------------------
In the train I was almost instantly asked my seat by a guy who wanted to be with his group. Ahhh.. the pain of being a young and healthy boy in the world. You are not supposed to have the lower seat at any cost. So I went to an upper some other place. Alas! there was no solace there too. A gentleman was there too waiting to ask me the same question.. again. My answer also was the same. Yes!! Why? dunno. We waited for the TT. Meanwhile this gentleman who wanted the seat for his child offered me a drink. I was lets say first shocked, then amazed. Time to shave had come, I realized.
Nevertheless, I gave my seat to him and got a new seat: above my original seat. The fate of life.
Then I went to the bliss of sleep. In the morning I was woken up by a man telling me that the station has arrived. I woke up and with swollen eyes looked around, no one in the whole train. He was the cleaning guy. Déjà vu.
“Good Lord! At least it was not the yard where I woke up. Hmm.. they clean the train.”
How did I sleep this way amazes me. I am a light sleeper in the train but this time I just slept away.
When you do a night out to study then weird things are bound to happen next day. That is a bigger certainty if you are not used to this. This is the wisdom I gained from my last encounter with the exams which courtesy IITR are not very frequent. Thank you IIT-Roorkee.
My math's exam about which I am not going to talk anyway, is the grand reason and cause of this post. I came to know the course of math’s exam at 2300 hrs (11 o’clock night) for a paper that was at 9:30 in morn. The course was… let us say.. of considerable amount and the idea of night-out was in the open like a prostitute saying- “Look at me.. Look at me.” And I grabbed it like a horny man (Sorry for my crude language but no other description seem to fit).
Then after two cups of tea (caffeine has a remarkable effect on me) and a whole night with Andy and Aamir, with guest appearances by others I was ready to give exam in the morning. After an hour this exam was over and then came the fatigue of a night-out. I think if I had slept the night before that for more hours then it might have helped.
Anyways, this fatigue was supposed to be fought that day as at night I would be in the train sleeping blissfully. Just had to pass one more exam. Sulls took the revision class which seemed an attempt to thwart my attempts of being awake. But my poetry and prose helped me sail through that. In fact the post ‘Pain’ and ‘Ghazal’ after that were my allies in that battle against Sulls and sleep.
But who can save you from food..
Then came the deadly lunch..
After that I went to Rajeev to tell him that I will study the subject from him. Requesting/Ordering him that, I came to my room and started writing the post ‘Pain’.
That was 2:00 pm.
--------------------------------------------
Next thing I know…
Brijesh came to my room and woke me up. It was 5:00 pm. The paper starts in 0 min. OMG!!! What about the study? Where is Rajeev? These were my first thought. Next- Hell with it.. Let me go and get over with it.
But still I did not knew anything about the subject. I was even not listening during the revision class. I asked a few definitions from Brijesh and went to exam with my pen and .. my confidence, which at that time seemed pretty useless. In fact now that I think about it, what the hell was the confidence doing there? It should have been hiding somewhere. Guess did not care about the exam, did I?
With this pen and confidence I sat there on the chair while cursing Rajeev and Vikas- two people I trusted who betrayed me- and waiting for the paper.
[Next time I’ll tell you how went the paper and the déjà vu of this.]
Make someone happy,
Make just one someone happy;
Make just one heart the heart you sing to.
One smile that cheers you,
One face that lights when it nears you,
One girl you're ev'rything to.
Fame if you win it,
Comes and goes in a minute.
Where's the real stuff in life to cling to?
Love is the answer,
Someone to love is the answer.
Once you've found her, build your world around her.
Make someone happy,
Make just one someone happy,
And you will be happy, too.
-Jimmy Durante.
Sleepless in Seattle.
Kahan jaayen hum ki ab chhup jaayen.
Apnon se dur koun se gairon ko apnaayen..
Uff! Har khwahish ko pura karne ki aadat.
Hum kaise ab is tamanna ko badal paayen..
Ye sansanaate chehre jo saamne aa rahe hain.
Koun si mitti mein ab sir dabayen..
Dusron ki nazron se chura li nazrein hamne.
Kahan ab apna aks jaa kar chhupaayen..
Rahega naam ab chaaron samt ‘Prakash’.
Kya karein ki gumnaami ka khazana paayen..
Of all the pains- physical, mental and metaphysical the worse is the pain of loss. Loss of an object or a person is immaterial. Loss gives us a sense of weakness which hurts our pride. This extra pain is what elevates this pain to a new height.
Now, what is to be understood here is that the value of the object or person is immaterial or unrelated to the amount of pain. In fact the value of the object or human might increase in our eyes if we see it getting away from us. This feeling sometimes is so strong that it can renew a dying relationship. Create love where none existed and a new attachment or sight is endowed upon us. Sounds beautiful na… But it rarely happens.
Most of the time the disease is diagnosed too late to be cured and all an individual can do is try to suppress or sustain this pain. But when has been controlling pain an easy task. We when overcome with pain shout, howl, screech and try to suppress the pain by drowning it in these sounds.
Then we use reactions like hate, agony, jealousy which we might have not shown earlier because of our composed attire. This is an interesting development and can almost always be used as a diagnose for a person’s nature. Sudden change in person’s behavior, even for a flick of second (in fact for a flick of second) and we have a person having lost something or someone, or is having the fear of the same.
Today I am gonna talk about very serious stuff. I have no serious thought in my mind so am going to take sometime.
Created..
Well, the question which I am going to put today might be found offensive by some masses so it is requested that those masses do not read this stuff. It is better you do not read this rather abuse me.
So, hmmm!! What is loosing virginity? I mean you have a passionate night, an act of love takes place and you have lost something that can now never come back.
Sad.. Very sad. It should not be like this. But Alas! That is the bitter truth of life. You have to loose something to gain something. And for eternal bodily pleasure you ought to loose something… forever. This is your fees in the transaction.. of life!
But this is not what I am going to cry about. As I had said earlier I am happy that I am at least below the country’s average; I have already crossed the world average, sadly. I wanna talk about a different thing.
Is loosing virginity a physical process or a chemical one?
I mean that we had studied in chemistry in school that process which can’t be reversed are chemical process. I mean that any process that is irreversible was considered a chemical process. The physical process by definition are reversible. Like evaporation, moving of a ball from one place to other. But souring of grapes, curdling of milk etc. are chemical processes. So, is loosing virginity like evaporation or like souring of grapes. As far as it seems from the definition of my childhood days, it seems a chemical process.
Ironically though, this act of love is totally physical. Its like a physical process giving the result of a chemical one. Its all confusing..
Also, now even chemical processes are easily reproducible as chemistry has modernized itself.
Waaaaiiiiitttt a bit..
EUREKA!!
Its not a chemical or physical process. Its a nuclear process. It all fits. It is not easily reproducible; in fact sometimes not at all reproducible.. (Mind you methods have been devised to restore virginity of girls though no such provisions are there for boys. So technically, I am right).
And this process is also explosive, requires excitation but produces a lot of energy in various forms (like heat, sound, physical movements and all though I would prefer not to go into details).
Once started both are very difficult to stop and often have disastrous results if is uncontrolled and without precautions. Both have various safety issues and safety covers (like suits, gloves etc..).
WOW!!
I am impressed by my talent.
Hmmm!!
Good work TRYST..
PS- This again is the work of Tryst, so an apology to all offended by this.- Kunal
PPS- !#$@! Stop doing that Kunal. I am warning you. No one messes with Tryst.
Khuda se maangi thi khwahish, fakat ek baar tujhko dekhne ki.
Poori to ki Khuda ne khwahish, magar lafz-b-lafz..
[I asked God to give just a glimpse of you.
God fulfilled my request but word-by-word..]
Found this one in my diary. Was browsing through the old memory lane when this piece of beauty just showed itself and forced itself upon me to write here. This one might specially touch a guy if ever he has waited for a girl for eternity to just see a glimpse of her. I have.
This is written by… me. And this is one of my favorites, not because of its writing style or something as it does not possess the orthodox style of a couplet. It has all the emotions that a person could feel while watching that one someone special and cursing God for giving you just a minute with her; and yourself for asking that only.
Thoda ahista chalo ki saamne aaina milega.
Koi tumhare jaisa tumhe pyar karta milega..
Ho jaaye kabhi jo dil fanaa to kya baat hai.
Yun hi kabhi tootna to iska dekhne milega..
Aansun bhi bhar gaye hain daaman mein.
Jo chala gaya vo ab kya hi vapas milega..
Aur zamane ne bhi khoob laga liye kehkahe.
Unhe aisa tamasha ab dubara kahan milega..
Kuchh taaza khudaon ka pata chala hai.
Inme mera khuda jaane kahan milega..
There is always a twist in the story. This is what makes the story interesting. This twist grips the reader to rest of the plot. This twist can come at the ending like an awesome climax. May be it is in the centre changing the whole course of the story. Or we may see a starting which shocks us enough to hold till the end. Whatever be the case there always is a twist.
The funny part is that life too has twists. Every moment that happens brings a new incident which can be only comprehended and reacted to in that second. This spontaneity gives the life the wrong decisions, the wrong judgments and obviously multiple twists.
Then there are also forces of nature acting; for or against we never know. Every variable independent of each other and millions of variables; how can one predict future. But still we all do so, try to comprehend the future, see dreams, have visions and unfortunately see them twisting into nightmares.
But if there is a God I will just say that he surely enjoys all the twists. With his popcorn beside him he savors on the expressions of shock and dismay we give when facing a twist.
I am trying to learn to enjoy these twists because I know that I can not avoid them. So I guess its better to join them, feel them and savor them like God and move ahead to find a new twist. Life is ever changing, seeing dreams involuntary; so its better to accept the death of the dream and see a new one than mourn over its death.No use regretting the last turn we take. Rather look for the new turn. Looking back never helps driving. A minor glimpse at the rear view mirror is fine but to look in the same mirror sitting in a car with no reverse gear is foolishness.
You know something though; the beauty of philosophy is that it is as tough to apply as easy it is to say.
Something is different now.
What has happened?
Did the life changed a bit. NO!
Did I woke up early today?
No, nothing such sort.
But the flowers have a smell you know.
And birds do fly now.
The sun has a beauty in it, the moon too glitters somehow.
Slept a few days back I soundly.
Yet sleep is not coming even vaguely.
A few miles trekking was tiring back then.
Now,
A day later, a timeline later.
It is but a step to me.
Journey is my destiny now,
With my destination in my eyes.
What are a few miles, a few light-years?
In the event called Love.
A few spaces need to be travelled.
A few spaces need to be filled.
For you DC. My friend, may this event be a happy milestone for you in the journey called life!
I have nothing to say today. The mind is a messed up place you know. One minute you are all set to start studying for a mid-term exam tomorrow. Next minute you are out in the open walking alone around the ground with your mind trying to solve an infinite loop.
Tomorrow is Geo-science mid-term I which should have happened a month ago but got ahem… postponed a bit. Anyways, after that we have mid-term II starting on Sunday.. Yes, a holiday but that is something either I am used to now or don not care about. So, will try to study again.
Besides that my perpetual problem is still that.. perpetual. It is in fact an infinite loop clogging my mind and controlling my decisions. Why can not life has a bit Boolean algebra in it. A bit of true and false. yes or no, 0 n 1. What we have is err.., maybe, dunno, can’t explain, pass and many more. Sigh..
Pou footi, kirno se kaanch baje hain.
ghar jaane ka waqt hua, paanch baje hain..
Saari shab ghariyal ne chowkidari ki hai…
[Morning came, rays hit the glass.
time to go home, five on the watch..
Whole night clock-tower was the gaurd… ]
This is not a sher (couplet) but a Triveni. It is a style of poetry devised by Gulzar in which the first two lines are a couplet and the last line changes the whole meaning of the couplet. An altogether different perspective, I may say.
This triveni is written by Gulzar himself and why I like this is because I do not understand it. I know its literal meaning but what does it represents that I am unable to decipher. May be I am reading between the lines too much but then with Gulzar you can’t help but be cautious.
Besides, I like the phrase “kirno se kaanch baje hain” too much. This is what poetry is. And then he wins Oscar for Jai Ho!
Lying down asleep like a log.
What is there now to blog.
In dead mind you see a dream.
Wake up and see a dream!
Arise, awake to this problem ahead.
Not everyone is happy and fed.
Open your heart and feel the scream.
Wake up and see a dream!
I know life is beautiful.
And for some its dutiful.
But for a new vision I beam.
Wake up and see a dream!
A thought, a feeling dies.
A child on street cries.
Feed the child some cream.
Wake up and see a dream!!
Kuchh mukammal ho chuke khwab ab tanha ho gaye.
Yaadon se to hum ab besahara hi guzar gaye..
Kuchh haath mein hai ya nahin kya pata mujhe.
Par behte lahu ne batayaki ye haath chhil gaye..
Door kahin manzil nazar aati hi nahin varna.
Hum to humsafar ke bina hi safar pe nikal gaye..
I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All the sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain
If I wait for cloudy skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know that I still love you
So though the heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Raindrops falling from heaven
Will never wash away my misery
But since we're not together
I'll wait for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see
Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
This is my current favourite English song and maybe even my current most favourite. As of now, I have heard this only thrice but man this song is ultimate.
To, Kunal
Wait..
BOO.. HOO.. HA HA HA
BOO.. HOO.. HA HA HA
BOO.. HOO.. HA HA HA
phew.. now let me begin
I do not know what I want to say.. So I will not say anything. [;)]
I am angry all right, all the old feelings are back. Ya, the same one of last board exam.. Remember na Kunal.. You must be feeling quite pissed off with yourself right now. [:D] You will always be naive, no wait a sec. You are not naive, I told you this would happen, you are foolish. Ha! Foolish Kunal, foolish Kunal and will always be. Likh liye post. Aur likh, aur soch.. Ab kyon nahi sochta. Kaise sochega, dimag band ho gaya hai tera. In fact tere paas dimag tha bhi kab. [:P]
Tujhe to gaali bhi dene ka mann nahi kar raha. You are a piece of junk that will never work properly. Wish you had one good part to use bech ke main kuchh paise hi kama leta. Maraa hathi bhi nau lakh ka hota hai aur tu to zinda bhi nau rupaye ki aukat nahi rakhta. Kitni baar tujhko samjhaya hai maine. KITNI BAAR!!!!!
Kab samjhega tu.. Akal to aayegi nahi. Tujhe maine kaha tha yahi hoga, ab ho raha hai to tu samajh nahi paa raha. Tujhe to kisi museum mein rakhna chaahiye.. Tere ko book pakda do, chit de do, invigilator ko neend ki goli khila do tab bhi tu fail ho jaayega. Ab kya chahata hai.. tera paper main likhun.. Ya paper banane waale ko bula lein. Tu to dhaporshankh hi rahega.
Main to samajh nahi paata tera dimag rehta kahan hai.. Aur tere pass to dil bhi hai. Usko kya bhaade pe de diya.. Us se hi soch liya kar, hamesha ghutnon ko kyon takleef deta hai.. Vo chalne ke liye hote hain, agar bio nahi padhi tune to main bata deta hun..
Mera bas chalta to tujhe kaat ke phenk deta but tere se emotionally attached hun, nahi kar sakta. I mean why so childish, grow up for god’s sake. Mere jaisa to tu ho nahi sakta, nakal hi kar liya kar. Is se better situation mein hoga. Aur ainda tu vo hi karega jo main kahunga, ek pair idhar ka udhar and i will break your leg.
Jaanta hun nahi sunega, pehle galti karega phir mere paas aayega aur bolega ki sambhalo. Ab kya sambhalun main?
- Tryst
I am being weird here because I have a crush on a girl and now I am writing this. Man, what will she think of this. Maybe that I am confused or psycho. Though I know what will she say if I asked her this. “Theek hai, hota hai. Tera matter hai. Main kya bolun” Barring a few words more or less this is the phrase. Diplomatic!! I know. [:)].
Anyways, this post is about crushes so let me put my doubts in front of you. Crush is considered an intense attraction which subsides over time. It has no rhyme or reason etc. etc.
This is what I hear crush is. Now I have here a few words which do not mean the same thing but somehow this definition applies on all of them. The words are LOVE, LUST, LIKING and CRUSH. So what is the difference between them?
Ya.. Ya.. Love is divine. Should not be compared with these petty, small, trifuleses (my own word) like liking and crush or dirty words like lust. But I will. Jo ukharna hai ukhar lo.. [:)))] [Do whatever you can..]
So what is the difference actually. We will have to define them more minutely to separate each with the other. If you like a person you have to know the person, his or her qualities.OK so liking needs time. Agreed, but doesn’t love needs time as well. To grow and nurture itself. But then what about the Love at first sight. I know some people do not believe in it but then some people do. It is not a matter of debate.. Today.
Bottom line, Love and liking intersect.
Now lust.. A word looked down upon. I have sympathy with lust. It is the most truer and purer form of emotion than others. Crude, can be understood most easily, yet.. hated. Society has refined us to the extent that truth now seems crude to us. Alas! some openness I wish could illustrate the importance of lust in a relationship. Try to live with a guy or gal you are not attracted in ‘that way’. You will be just confused that what is wrong when apparently everything seems alright. It is because we refuse to see the truth, the lust. We like the person but don’t lust him or her.
Sorry.. Got a bit emotional I guess. Ahem.. Lust is from the beginning. It starts instantly and sometimes do not last long. If it starts later after 5 min then it has more probability of lasting. The longer it lasts the exciting the relationship remains. It is the wild horse and fun to ride on. So it has the traits of crush and love in it though no traits of liking. It though most of the time is a short-lived phenomenon. In fact Love at first sight in often seen as lust only but lust is more of a physical attraction.
Now comes the star of the day- Crush. I am going to define Love.I have come to believe that it is a manifestation of all these traits together in various proportion. It is not an emotion or feeling but an outcome of the merger of the various other feelings. So back to Crush. What is crush then? Isn’t it Love itself. It has all the traits of love. It can begin at any time, can last pretty long. Mine do. Their strength is also astounding. I mean people often are not able to talk to people on whom they have crush. You want good things to happen to the person on whom you have crush on. What else is LOVE!! Crushes are love only. Ya, I know what you wanna ask.. “Oh! But what about the crushes on stars and all.” That is my dear friends BS. It is physical attraction, lust which again is slighted by this hypocrite society and given a better name.
Though let us differentiate Love and Crush my way. Or lemme redefine them in a new style. A completed crush is Love. By completed I do not mean that it has happy ending. By completed I mean reciprocated. In other words if you are a guy having crush on a girl, you tell her your emotions to the girl and the feeling is reciprocated then its Love else hold it forever as the crush. It includes stars also so I guess the definition is quite acceptable by all standards. If the love is not reciprocated then it is a crush whatever you feel about it. How about this. Now everything is objectively defined and separate. [:)]
It is completely debatable and that is why the post has a question mark. It is solely my opinion and I love it.
P.S.- Vanity is my favourite sin..
I love this line from ‘The Devil’s Advocate’.
I do not know what possessed me when I wrote this. You will not understand what is written, even I do not. But it is something truly from the heart.
Am I sane? she asks.
What do I say?
Oh! What do I say?
Will a ‘no’ satisfy her?
Will a ‘yes’ be truth?
I know what she thinks.
I know how she feel.
I know her emotions well.
But none could set me free.
Bound I must be then.
‘Wish I was’ is actually the phrase.
Neither am bound nor free.
Betwixt Hell and Heaven I live.
In Good and Bad I merge.
Sanity and Insanity are words as well.
Maybe that is why I am in them too.
What is Truth?
What is Lie?
Who is Me? Who has Died?
Why didn’t I sleep?
Why did I cry?
She wants to go away, I am fine.
Yet this heart has a desire.
Mind & heart are not working I guess.
Then she asks me.
“Am I Sane?”
What do I say?
Oh! What do I say?
Will a ‘no’ satisfy her?
Will a ‘yes’ be truth?
I have always considered myself a great thinker. Or rather an absolute thinker. I think about everything and anything for all time. My mind doesn’t shut itself for anything. So, I should be a perfect decision maker. I think over every step logically and weigh the pros and cons.
Funnily though, when I have to take big decisions I always, not almost always, absolutely always take them in a jiffy. The first instinct most of the time. And adamant as I am I rarely change them. Its my gut feeling and I go with it.
The question is – “Why do I think then?”
Does this thinking creates base for me. Maybe. Actually hopefully, it does. Else my twenty years of twenty and half years is wasted on a thing which has no use.
Fear – One of the strongest emotions present. And out of these the greatest must be fear of failure. How can one overcome it. ‘Gita’- the greatest Hindu scripture deals with aptly. If a person is not worried about the consequences, the fear evaporates.
But the phrase- “Karma karo, phal ki ichchha mat karo” [Work, don’t lust over result.] is a straight path to the greatest heaven (Baikunth lok). So, it ought to have a catch [:)]. What is written between the lines then. The problem is – nothing. Nothing is written between the lines. Its too simple to trust. The ‘TRUST’ is what creates the problem. How can we trust something so simple. Its like trusting on swimming instead of ship. No one does.
It is easier to trust someone else than oneself. Why? Because it gives us the right to be casual and also someone else to blame. Its much more convenient.
I detest weakness of any kind. Be it physical, mental or metaphysical, if I am not strong its not right. Like wise I hate fear itself. Whenever I encounter a fear I try to counter it, win against it at any cost. Today, I realize that this urge itself is a birth-child of fear - ‘fear of failure’. This fear is not harming me, in fact benefitting me. But now I know about it the urge has started to bubble up inside.
Killing oneself though is a tough task. No one can choke himself to death. If someone knows swimming, he can not drown himself. Self-defence mechanism. Similarly, an urge born out to fear can not kill the same fear. Therefore, unfortunately –or fortunately- I will have to detach this from myself before killing it.
Deep… Confusing… Scary… Crap..
I know.
May be this is what is called enlightenment.
Cognizance ended a few days back.
Cognizance is the technical festival of IIT-Roorkee, my college. Students from various colleges present their ideas, experts on various fields are called for their lectures and various fun but mind exhaustive games or tiny events are their for entertaining and enlightening the youth, that is us, of India.
The event was promoted as the second largest tech-fest of India. Now, I don’t know which is the largest one… wait a sec.. maybe its Techfest of IIT-Bombay. So, we are the second largest, that’s not bad at all. Anyways, its over now and we are back to the silence.
This post is not about how good or bad the event went. Its not about what I felt during the event. This post is about ‘what now?’ Where did this event, a technical festival lead us? To me knowledge is something which gives you an inspiration to acquire it more. Its like alcohol, you should get addicted. So, in a sense Cognizance should be a gate to a new world of information and its last day should have given the feeling of a quest taking shape, not a task done. Maybe I am too poetic to understand the things of the world. Maybe this is how events end. Maybe I was not involved enough. Maybe some one did feel like this.
I hope that either what I feel is wrong and people did get inspired to embark upon a journey to find knowledge hidden beneath girth of ignorance. Or maybe I have put my money on the wrong horse in which case there is no one to blame but my own foolishness. I behaved like a kid who watching a kite feels that this kite will take him where ever he wants..
Cognizance has ended but for me it was just another day, with another question intriguing my conscience.
Jis rishtey ko anjaam tak le jaana na ho mumkin.
Use ek khubsurat mor deke chodna achchha..
[A relation which has no end in the future.
Better to leave it at a beautiful turn..]
Not written by me this one.. but is one of my life’s philosophical line. Those who might have read my post Move on!! must have understood the importance and depth of this couplet.
But sometimes it becomes difficult to do so..
I am currently on crossroads. I know what I want. I know I can have it. The problem is I should not have it (conscience- I am still on the line between good and bad [:)] ). So, I should leave it.
Then I will look somewhere else, find something to my musing and then everything in this moment will be past (nothing special I meant).
I will find out the answer to it I know. Let us see if I am a good boy or a bad one. [;)]
